So Long and Thanks for All the Books

I worked at Borders for 10 months and all I got was this stupid name tag.

As you may or may not know two weeks ago I decided to resign my position as junior used car salesman at Borders Inc. because of something I like to call "Corporate Differences". Well today was my last day, an uneventful one that resulted in me getting a free drink in the cafe. No not because I donated a bag of beans to the USO but because I somehow have aquired 5 Borders Bucks. Here is my thoughts on my departure.

Things I Will Not Miss:

• "Do you have a Borders Rewards card? Would you like one, it just takes 30 seconds, an email address and it's completely free?"
• The Kid's Section
• Listening to Genilee talk about her cats, her 42348923 nieces and nephews, how she does not want to pass her genetics on, how she can't touch candy because she will pass out, how she is being promoted to a fictional position of "head cashier", why she only drinks Diet Mountain Dew, her response to customers asking how she is which is "awake", her babel about how much product she suckers customers into buying.
• Master Wok
  
• Heather and that condescending sneer that she gives whenever I ask her a question.
• The T-Mobile sellers
• Finding playboys in the Manga section
• Pep talks on how to get my Borders Rewards numbers up. You know how I got that 70% Borders? I punched in random phone numbers and made fake accounts. And you didn't catch me!
• Joel Olsteen's stupid face
  
• The Asian guy who always put things on reserve so he could go get money from the ATM but then never came back.
• People who read Twilight. Or as Borders calls them "Twihards".
• Recovering the sex section and having people tell me that "You can really find good books in this section"
• The Big Penis Book
• Telling people they should donate a bag of bean's to the troops so they can drink something good for once. Yes because what we need is shitty Border's coffee running through our soldier's veins as they dodge bullets and get rocket proppelled grenades shot at them. At least they are drinking good coffee.
  
• Being told that I'm an idiot by customer's who, though they can't read the sign that says "enter line here", are smarter than me.
  
• Joel Olsteen's Wife's even stupider face.
• Having to place Toni Morrison's books next to books like this.
• Operating registers from the 1980's
• U2
• Motown Hits
• Frank Sinatra
• Bruce Springsteen
  
• My Chemical Romance
• Paul McCartney and the Fireman
• New Bob Dylan
• Robert Plant & Allison Kraus
• Having to explain that why Borders does not have a Biography section.
• Seeing The Shack as the number one best seller.
• Tucker Max
• Telling people to just go buy it on Amazon.
• Explaining why it says "Likely in Store" and not "In Stock" and then providing an example of why it says just that.
  

Things I Will Miss:

• My discount.

Now the Underling needs to go find a job.......

This Weeks Hefty Helping of Little Grumblings

Here is this weeks hefty helping of Little Grumblings, enjoy. And as always the ones that are not witty I did not write.

• Why I don't follow NCAA Basketball; because I end up getting hit in the head with a ball while checking scores. I knew there was a reason.
• 4 shifts left.
• Borders Gift to our troops: Have people buy bags of coffee for $10 then donate it to the troops for a free drink in the cafe. So glad I quit
• I just bought a coke and upon taking a sip I realized it was coke zero. Balls.
• 3 shifts left
• I look ridiculous: Hoody, windbreaker, sweatpants, and sandals. However it seems appropriate in Boston.
• Jens Lekman will be touring the US this year. Looks like I won't have to be traveling to Iceland after all...
• 2 shifts left
• OK NYT I get it you have a global edition now get rid of that stupid yellow banner at the top.
• There are 5 classes left in Contemporary Black Politics and we just started talking about contemporary black politics. Beyond frustrated.
• I have heard Ents referenced in class twice today.
• Hitting shuffle on a 112 GB music library can create some interesting back to back combinations. Example: DMX & Bright Eyes. Tour? No?
• I just got a an online security question that prompted me to enter "Army" and "Tillman" into the same box. Speechless. bit.ly/PMU9
• I would like to replace "Speechless" in my last tweet with "Flabbergasted". Thank you.
• I like how my letting the hairdresser put product in my hair made her visibly giddy. All I could think about was washing it out 15 min later
• NU Moron: "I thought it was time" Barber: "Time to razor half your hair and leave the top untouched? How could it ever be time for that?"
• Dear Mr. Chavez: Defending a homicidal maniac by calling your nemesis a homicidal maniac does not count as an argument.
• I thought it was a well known fact that dirty hippies use a specific body wash to get that scent of BO and Weed. @LucyFitzgerald
• Is it dirty or would they just consider it the natural state of man; drunk, high, a potent smell and endless jamming? @LucyFitzgerald
• I think I should stop before I go and delete my whole blog by accident. No you can't convince me to to stay, I see your real motives.
• My Professor's take on my Spanish test and my Spanish speaking abilities: "This is Spitalian!"
• Dear White American Male Forefathers: I no longer want to be blamed for your transgressions. I will now be considered an Off-White Am Male
• I feel there is something fundamentally wrong when I buy my milk at Whole Foods only for the purpose of making Kraft Mac and Cheese.
• New air-freshener: Franks Red Hot + Stove Top Burner

Get your instant grumblings here.

It's Easy (but probably not probable) Being Green: Sailcar

Here is our ongoing segment known as It's Easy (but probably not probable) Being Green. Which is ripped from a Kermit the Frog song. Again I am not the green energy consulted that also goes by the name Kevin Doyle, I'm just the guy who gets his emails.

Mr. President

As a result of your rejection of last weeks plan to invade both Canada and Mexico on the grounds that stealing their oil and then using their homelands as vacation spots does not constitute itself as Green Energy we have come up with a new plan that involves no military involvement what so ever. Sailing cars.

It is quite simple really, we take cars and make them work like sailboats on land. Easy concept.

The advantages of a sailing car would be enormous, especially in very windy cities. It would also be a boon to the ailing sail market as well as spur a whole new generation of sailors which is something we need in order to take back The America's Cup. Damn Swiss and their landlocked country.....

And unlike ideas such as ethanol cars, hybrids and nuclear powered vehicles anyone with a regular car can retrofit it to work as a sail powered vehicle at a small price that we think the government should finance.

There are of course downsides,

1. Useless in areas of the country that get very little wind (we are currently developing a technique that incorporates oars for no-wind situations)
2. Unable to outrun tornadoes
3. Requires roads a mile wide to allow for tacking in head wind conditions
4. Silly sailor outfits would proliferate
5. Engine vs Sail style Road Rage.

All workable problems for sure, I just bring them to your attention so we can put your experts on the case to figure them out.

No sir I'm not an expert.

What am I? I'm just a guy who gets mistaken as a green energy expert and subsequently gets a lot of emails with invites to Green Energy conferences.

Of course I'm not qualified to speak .

Don't blame me! You are the one who let me in here!

Wait, hold on! Hey get your god damn hands of of me!

:Scuffling noises:

Mr, President! Mr. President! Rahm!!!!!

What I Am Reading: A Farewell to Arms

Eh it was ok, review here.

Not to be confused with Hemenway St. Ernest Hemingway is the author of small book we all know and claim as one of the best books we read in High School (judging by the size it's hard to see why that is) that book being The Old Man and the Sea.

Surprisingly that is not the only book Mr. Hemingway wrote, there appears to be countless others since and before then. One of which I happen to be reading now, A Farewell to Arms which takes place during World War I which was ironically known as "The War to end all Wars." You didn't really need to know that, I just thought you might enjoy it. If you didn't then you probably should not be reading this blog, it's full of useless things like that.

Before we get to the cover I would like to point out ways that Hemingway is connected to my life:

• He is Katy's favorite author (A Farewell to Arms is also her favorite book) which only perpetuates her fascination with creepy old men. I still don't quite understand why she likes me though.
• My cat is known as a Hemingway cat because of her extra toes, a type of cat that can only be found in Key West, New England and parts of Europe. All places Hemingway spent time drinking, enjoying the company of many women, writing and apparently breeding 6 toed cats.

There is not one Hemingway book in print that has a good cover. I implore you to find one, and if you can't I beg you to make one and break a few copyright laws in the process.

What I Just Read: The Good Citizen

The Underling doesn't like the cover but why take our word for it read him say it !

Well I sort of read this book, I skimmed it over, read the bolded headings and words that made me feel like I was reading a text book and then came to this conclusion the same conclusion I came to before: Where does an old guy get off telling me what my generation is like? All he has is numbers taken from a survey that only has relevance if his respondents are telling the truth, and who wouldn't say they like to do good?

I do see his point that less people vote today, but more people do volunteer. Why is that possible? Because America went through a very good economic time period in the in 90's which left many Americans with money to spend on their childrens education and to give them as spending money (also we developed a credit card culture which allows people to go in to debt with out having to work). Result: Children who go to college on their parents dime and don't have to work while in school. What do they do with their free time? Well the noble ones volunteer but not as many as Mr. Dalton would want us to think.

Only a fraction of students volunteer and they all tend to be the same people, I know plenty of college students who only volunteered in high school because it was a requirement to graduate. But that's neither here nor there. Just as what will happen to all those volunteers when they have to start making money to pay for their schooling because the credit market fell apart.

My real gripe with Dalton is him saying voting is not that big of a deal anymore because we all volunteer and are a bunch of do-gooders. I have a fundamental problem with people who complain about leadership and then tacitly support it by not voting. Yes I understand volunteering is like protest and I am all for protest but don't complain about the system and do nothing to change it. The US government is too large and too powerful to work outside of and eventually you are going to but heads with it if you try, so atleast go in and vote for yourself or maybe a third part candidate.

Ok I'm done complaining. For the indefinite future I will only be reading books I choose to read because unfortunatly Capstone is coming to a close.

Maybe I will go read Lennon........

"Recomendations" + Poor Children + The Homeless + Soldiers = 2 Weeks

I have been meaning to post this for about a week and a half now but for one reason or another I have not, sorry.

So I quit my job. Borders to be specific. I know, no more discount on books, how could I? Here's how:

Since I started working at Borders the company has been shifting it's Customer Service in store staff towards being salesmen, are new name was "bookseller". With the downturn of the economy and the retention of bankruptcy lawyers on the part of Borders they really started to tightening the screws on the entire staff to start "urging" customers to buy a specific product.

Before I went to Egypt I could handle the little bits of pressure the managers put on me and I would just shrug it off and move on with my day. Upon my return things were a little different.

What confronted me was a sign that said if any employee failed to great and "recommend" a product to every customer within 10 feet of them they would be terminated. On top of that we would each be graded for every CSI (those surveys the ask you to fill out over the phone at the register) that is issued during our shift. As well as we would be graded by a manager and asked to sign off on said grade each shift. Not to mention there are four specific products that we are supposed to be "intimate" with so we can better "recommended" them to customers (last week they were a stuffed bunny, a medical narrative about a woman with cancer, some random harcover novel about a Chinese love story, and the new Jodi Piccoult book. If I had my way I would reccomend they don't buy those things).

Throw on top of that our "charities" that we run at the register which include a stuffed bunny you can buy for $6 that we take all the profits from and then donate to the Salvation army, or the book drive that requires you to by a specific book from us that we again take the profit from and then donate at your behest, OR (my favorite) you can buy a bag of coffee beans from us for $10 and donate it to the troops oversees for which we get all the profit and you can have a free drink from our cafe.

Because you know if there is one thing our servicemen and women need in Iraq and Afghanistan it's to be hooked on bad coffee. Here's a real charity, how about we start taking money that goes to buying them more body armor or maybe to help disabled veterans recover from injuries such as missing extremities or PTSD. Preying on peoples emotions with poor children, the homeless and soldiers just to make a buck. Fuck You Borders for making me feel guilty every time I process a transaction. Shame on you.

And all this in a time of economic recession.

For those reasons I gave my two weeks notice on Saturday March 21st, and for that reason all my co-workers (some managers included) gave me congratulations. Just a little something Borders, when your employees congratulate each other about being able to quit the company it means you are doing something wrong.

What I Just Read: rabbit, run

For the brief but wondrous thoughts on the cover go here.

Let's get one thing straight I hate Rabbit; no not the cute furry animal, I am talking about the non-committal, selfish and just all around simple minded character in John Updike's well written book rabbit, run.

To be honest I thought it was a well written book, John Updike is very talented when it comes to character development and switching point of view mid scene, and hell everyone loves some good stream of consciousness. But I don't think by the end of this book I have hated any character as much as I hate Rabbit. Except, of course, Holden Caulfield from Catcher in the Rye, and don't act like you don't know who or what I'm talking about because there is no way you haven't read Catcher in the Rye because everyone who likes to read has read Catcher in the Rye because Catcher in the Rye is everyone's favorite book and is definitely worth recommending every time someone tells you they like to read.

Did I mention I hate that book? All I wanted to do the whole time was climb through the book, slap Holden across the face, watch him cry and then drag him back to his parents and give him a time out. I get it, you don't become an adult because you want to be an adult you become an adult because it is time to be an adult, you rise to the occasion, and you don't get to pick when that occasion happens. So yeah, you probably really like that book because in some way you can relate, but just because everyone can relate to something doesn't make it a good book. Sort of like when your favorite movie is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. On second thought I don't need to give you two reasons to stop reading my blog.

Moving on!

Updike has three more books in his series on Rabbit and I don't know if I want to conitue reading them or not. On one hand Rabbit infuriates me so much that I want to throw things but on the other Updike writes well and I do enjoy the book for the most part. Regardless I can't find a copy as of right now so it may be a while until I have to come to a real decision.

Oh and for the record I did get looks for reading this book, or at least I think I did, I'm not sure. On second thought I may have been inventing those looks that the homeless guy was giving me that I took as anti-snobbery looks, but that might be for other reasons, I mean he is homeless.

This Weeks Hefty Helping of Little Grumblings

The Little Grumblings resume today but now on a weekly basis, instead of a daily one. As always the ones that are not witty I did not write.

• Trent Reznor is giving away free music in FLAC format via torrents. God I love independent artists. @trent_reznor
• And with that I have given my 2 weeks notice to Borders. Adiós discount.
• I love how managers' "suggestions" are so much easier to deal with after you have given your two weeks notice. Such a clear conscience.
• I need to buy Cocoa Puffs. It is imperative that I do so.
• Something about "Reality TV Star" in the title of a front page NYTimes obituary irks me. Can't put my finger on it though.
• I went out to get Coke I came back with beer. Funny how those things happen.
• I have come to the conclusion that I don't drink enough water, @ 5 AM. I will reevaluate this when my thoughts are coherent.
• Now if Tukka was the Bruins back up like he should be then this never would have happened tinyurl.com/csjbvy
• Don't get me wrong I like Michael Bloomberg but I don't think I particular care for the Facebook version of him, too talkative.
• Know whats a bad idea? Calling the ref a "fucking moron". Know whats even more of a bad idea, packing a lip after your ejection in Marino.
• You are such a silly woman, put the lime in the coconut and drink them both together. Then you feel better.
• NIN tickets are mine!
• Mumkin just spent 45 min in the closet, I blame her curiosity which if it wasn't for me could end up killing her.
• Internet is out again at the apartment, that means I will have to kill again. I know I don't like it either, but it has to happen.
• Internet issues have been resolved. It may have involved the killing of a nameless Verizon employee, I don't remember, all I saw was red.
• I wonder how Updike got such a detailed and personal view of a high school slut. And I mean DETAILED.
• My first and last Polisci classes were taught by the same man. Ironically they were both vague and non-informative.

Get your instant grumblings here.

It's Easy (but probably not probable) Being Green: Operation Total NAFTA

Here is our ongoing segment known as It's Easy (but probably not probable) Being Green. Which is ripped from a Kermit the Frog song. Again I am not the green energy consulted that also goes by the name Kevin Doyle, I'm just the guy who gets his emails.

Mr. President

In our last report we advised you that in order to secure energy independence for this country you should invade Canada.

We have noticed that the invasion is till in the pre-planning stages. Though we believe that it is imperative that the invasion take place as soon as possible, this does allow for an opportunity to add a second phase to the plan: The Invasion of Mexico.

With the addition of Mexico to the plan we believe the codename for the entire operation be dubbed Operation Total NAFTA, a final act in the play started by the 41st President. Other possible names were: operation "Spanish American War Part Dos" but that left Canada out where as operation "Clean the Attic" only works for Canada and not Mexico.

But enough of this clerical mumbo jumbo sir, I'm going to cut to the quick; Mexico is warm in the winter and the Northern USA is not. Because of that warmth Mexicans do not have to pay for heat (the fact that even if they had to they would not be able to is irrelevant) Americans in northern latitudes unfortunately have to. But by invading Mexico we could create a winter quarters of sorts for all Americans who are forced to heat their homes every year.

Of course in the summer months we would relocate the population back to the northern part of the country (and move the southern part of the country to Canada to save on air conditioning costs). Think of all of this as a mass vacation of sorts to escape the cold (and subsequently the heat).

As for the transportation we figured you can just nationalize the Airline industry a few times a year, I mean they would be more than happy to give up their profits to help America, I'm sure of it.

US-Nigerean Relations

Maduekwe still visible shaken after his meeting with Secretary Clinton

Thanks to the blog Madam Secretary I know (whether I should or should not) exactly what Hillary Clinton is doing at all times. Moments ago she was in a meeting with Ojo Maduekwe, minister of foreign affairs of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. As it happens I was in that same room and here is what transcribed.

Hillary Clinton: Your honor it is a pleasure to finally meet you, you do not know how long I have waited to meet you.

Ojo Maduekwe: (slightly confused) The honor is mine madam, we the people of Nigeria are ecstatic, great word I just learned madam, that you would take an intrest in the oil wars we have been having in the Delta.

HC: Actually your honor this is a matter of personal business, not state business. (instructs everyone to leave the room)

OM: (now terrified, starts looking around the room for the assasin) Madam your husband never had sex with her I.....

HC: (Cutting in) It's about a man from your country named Prince Abdul Mukar who made my campaign a promise that in return for a small fee of $11 million that he needed to properly move his family into exile he would return me a sum of 10x that amount before the end of the US primary season. We have yet to recieve that payment.

OM: (really confused now) Um.....what?

This Weeks Hefty Helping of Little Grumblings

The Little Grumblings resume today but now on a weekly basis, instead of a daily one. As always the ones that are not witty I did not write.

• A night of firsts, first dodgeball game, first roller hockey game, and first time I have ever bled while working IM sports.
• Senator Grassley I am fairly sure that AIG workers killing themselves would not help the economy. Though it would help the funeral industry.
• Thanks to Katy & Daniel I think my cat may be one of the most photographed cats on the Internet. I'm waiting for a LOLKatz of her to pop up.
• Some Jens, a book, and the bathtub. But to salvage some manliness I will not be lighting any candles.
• The "Who Stole My Skittles Face" has been unleashed upon the world!
• Restoring my image by going to drink beer from a can at a bar named after a sex-crazed alcoholic author, alone. Manly enough for you?
• Note to self: Do not go drinking before work ever again.
• At this point I think I am ready to cut my losses and just act like the last few days never happened.
• Why is plug and play hardware never fun to play with?
• I'm working 40 hours next week on top of classes. I do not have a day off for at least 2 weeks, possibly indefinitely.
• This computer now has 2.75 TB of space + a 2 TB Time Machine drive. Sure have come a long way from 250 mb.
• I just spilled soda on myself, luckily no one saw me miss my mouth.
• Hey AIG workers I know we sent you those bonus checks but ummmm..... can wehave them back?
• Experiencing one of my favorite parts of Egypt, Egyptian tea with 4 scoops of sugar.
• Nine Inch Nails tix go on sale Wed @ 4 PM! That means dont try robbing my apartment @ 4 PM on Wed, I will be here hitting cmd-r repeatedly!

Get your instant grumblings here.

What I Am Reading: The Good Citizen

Book. Done. Read. Here.

As the end of the semester is fast approaching which means among other things I have come to my final Capstone book (hooray!) which goes by the name The Good Citizen by Russell J. Dalton. Now sadly I will have to retain some semblance of an argument from this book in order to right the 2 page review I have to write for one of the five books, which I conveniently left until the last book which also happens to be the shortest book weighing in at a scrawny 178 readable pages. It's supposed to tell me what my generation is doing to shape American politics, I'll be the judge of that, I mean where does an old man get off telling me about my generation?

The cover is a play on the famous World War II photo depicting women driving America, for that alone I don't like the cover. Create something don't just rip off a famous picture. That and I have a feeling that he is going to say that gimmicky buttons and writs bands (pictured on the cover) mean something; they don't. Everyone has them so therefor we have become resistant to them, they don't work and if this guy tries to tell me otherwise I'm going to stop reading or at least I will stop taking him seriously.

Notes From a Bar

Yesterday I decided to go to a bar and drink for a couple hours while studying and doing some reading. One problem, yesterday was Saint Patrick's Day and I did not factor that into my plan. So here are the notes I took while sitting there drinking delicious Ballantine from a tall can.

• Who goes to a bar on Saint Patrick's Day and drinks water? Yes I havea problem with how commercial Saint Patricks day is in general but if you are going to celebrate the day by dressing like a Shamrock and going to a bar the least you can do is drink something with alcohol in it.

• That's right, that ID reads Kevin Patrick Doyle and no I am not wearing any green (Though I think the funny look was for the passport I handed her in lieu of my missing Drivers Liscense).

• I am morally opposed to large packs of girls. They are loud, drunk, too well prepared, they cackle and have a weird sense of empowerment in group's larger than 4.

• Why is it that Americans need special days as an excuse to drink and act like children? IF you like to drink and act like an idio then do it, don't hijack an Irish holiday to suit your unfortunate problems. I mean look at me I'm alone, at a bar drinking and complaining about life and I didn't even realize it was a designated drinking day until I got here.

• Is there a more appropriate bar to sit at and drink cheap quality beer while reading a book and complaining about life than a bar modeled after Charles Bukowski?

• Isn't today a work day? How are all these people drinking at 3 in the afternoon? I makes you wonder how Americans espouse the 40 hour work week and how many actually work 40 hours a week? WIth all the cutting out early on fridays, "business lunches", holidays (state approved and not), office parties, sick days, "sick days", and vacation days I wouldn't be surprised if less than half the people who claim to work 40 hours a week actually do.

• It always surprises me how girls take days like Halloween, Saint Patrick's Day, etc. to dress inappropriately and then wonder why men treat them like nothing more than something to stare at.

• "Potato Day" I just heard a toast with those words, I think there is more to Ireland than Potatoes. I bet the Irish government would like you to think otherwise.
  

• I wish my life required me to wear a suit everyday, downside would be I would become a selfish prick.

• Bukowski isn't even fucking Irish, he's German you fools! Get the hell out!

• I should start introducing myself as a writer; simple, and hard to disprove. Again downside would be that I would become a selfish prick.

• Dear Ballantine Executive: The only reason I drink your beer is because my parents let me decipher the riddles you guys put on your bottle caps when I was a child. If your intent with those riddles was to hook children at a young age then you succeeded.

• I hope Saint Patrick realizes that he is one hell of an enabler.

• OMG! (Yes I just did that, digest it and move on) Indiana Jones is here! Background: As you know I work at Borders (no way!), anyway one of our all to frequent customers is a guy who dresses like Indie; every single day of his life. By dresses like I mean hat, jacket, beard, pants, shoes and the archaelogist bag. Well that man is sitting 10 feet away from me.

• One problem with the murals of Bukowski there are not enough Women on them.

• The difference between a pack of girs at a bar and a pack of guys at a bar is with guys all that was discussed was the time and place but with girls it was the time, place, back up place, who to invite, who not to invite, how many drinks to have, how many waters to have, how do we get there, what to wear and is it a girls night or can we try and incorporate a guy or two.

• We have moved from generic Irish musice to the album "London Calling" by The Clash. I knew I liked this bar.

• My waitress doesn't know how to deal with my sitting here drinking alone. I get the sense that she wants to ask me if I'm all right or if I have a drinking problem.

• Not eating all day and then going out for beer and greasy food was a poor choice (And I'm sorry for the all too well known Anchorman line that entered you brain just now, it wasn't my intention).

• Drinking before work was also a poor choice (again sorry), if I'm not slightly boozey by the time I get there then I will be incredibly tired.

• I need to join a drinking club.

• Why don't Women rul the world? Seriously they are better at everything that matters in life. How have they not developed cloning, turned into lesbians and eliminated the male race. Wait, I didn't say any of that.

• Nevermind I did say that because I see what the problem is all women are attracted to assholes and without men they would be lost in trying to find someone who they love that just continually breaks them down emotionally. That's what us men are here for.

• I am not the only person in here drinking while at the same time trying to study. There I feel better.
  

Bookmarks

A good bookmark is hard to come by. By that I mean a good everyday item that can double as a bookmark, not an item that is meant to be a bookmark by design (that's for amateurs). I have had a few different bookmarks over the years from random event tickets to fake credit cards you get in the mail (that always has people worried that I am stupid enough to use my real credit card) to my personal favorite, old commuter train passes.

But as of a couple days ago I have settled on two staple bookmarks for the future, both sentimental picks in their own way.

Leuven-Brussels Train Pass


Or alternatively known as the "Who stole my Skittles picture" by Katy, this laminated piece of paper is written completely in Flemish and complete with one of the best pictures of me ever to be taken of yours truly (courtesy of a very confusing photo machine at the Leuven train station). Besides reminding me multiple times a day of everything Belgian, this card is a great bookmark and I implore all of you who have one like it to use it for such a purpose

Egyptian Doctor Pass


Second is the newly acquired Egyptian doctor pass. Besides saying my name in Arabic script somewhere on there it also wrongfully claims (or at least Egyptians act like it does) that I am a doctor of archaeology and therefore I should be given access to all tombs except the ones that are really expensive and bring the Egyptian government money.

Unfortunately that picture does not scan all that well, the actual photo does not make me look like I am high, it actually makes me look like a sexy peace of man meat in my opinion. Which I mean if I smoked weed would be OK but I don't so now it will just make me look like the stoner I am not. And no I am not a stoner poser.

What I Am Reading: rabbit, run

This book has since been completed in full by the eyes of The Underling submitted here for your perusal is the review.

Calling an audible on this one, originally I was going to read Indecision by Benjamin Kunkel (which I actually started on the plane but stopped after 10 pages) but I have decided to go with John Updike's rabbit run instead.

As you may or may not know John Updike died recently and as the corollary goes, once you die your books become more readable. So it makes sense that I would have a sudden urge to read him.

My whole life I have heard of people talking of this Updike fellow, and besides thinking it funny that he had "Dike" in his name like all teenagers would I also thought only snobby people read him. I thought that because every time I overheard his name it was with an air of superiority and it sounded like to read Updike meant you were in a club of elite readers, a club of snobbery. Now it may come as a surprise but an elitist (your term not mine) such as myself hates elitists in a group setting (which makes me sort of an Über elitist) so I refused to read Updike for that reason.

Since then I know better, just because I bunch of literary assholes read an author it does not mean that they own him. So with his death and on a recommendation by my friend John I decided to pick up rabbit, run and give it a read. I am determined not to turn into an elitist literature spewing snob.

As for the cover; it is on the boring side when it comes to graphics but at the same time I like the simplicity of it. It as if they knew that they were going for a generic cover and decided not to make it more than that, good job Ballantine (which makes me really want some Ballantine Beer, I do believe I will be going to Bukowski's later today for one or two, oh hell I may just have to enjoy myself this afternoon).

Which makes me realize, one of my favorite authors has a bar named after him right down the street from my apartment. Though I knew this bar was down the street I did not connect my love for his works to the bar down the street until just now.

On that note I'm going to go drink, and if I get drunk I blame you the reader.