Grumblings of a Losing Liberal

Unless you live under a rock, which who knows there are some pretty nice rocks out there (the Harvard Museum has a whole bunch that I would be honored to live under), then you know that the great Commonwealth (of which there are only four, first one to names the other three in the comments section gets a prize) of Massachusetts elected a new Junior Senator who hails from Wrentham. He goes by the name Scott Brown and he looks like (only click the following if you want to see a sexy, but lightly clothed, Massachusetts man) this.

I did not vote for Scott Brown. Katy did not vote at all because she is currently in a country that does not allow people to vote.

I also have something they call a twitter, which if you dont follow (it's OK I forgive you) then you will find these Tweets to be new and maybe funny? I was hoping that I would be posting these as a "What If?" post but alas I live in a Commonwealth (of which there are only four) of slightly mentally impaired individuals.

But I digress.

To the Tweets!

• I may have been lying when I said I wasn't worried.
• I feel like tonight's election night coverage is going to be a prize fight, I am that nervous/excited.
• I'm useless @ work right now, need to go vote & then head home to refresh Drudge 2848929 times, infuriating myself @ his bias in the process.

Scott Brown wins.

• Like it or not. That's Democracy, and that's America.
• Looks like it's time to roll out my new SN IAmAntiSBrown (for those of you who don't know my old (and still current SN is IAmAntiGWBush I was just looking for an excuse to change it). What? I made it months ago.....
• Our long Commonwealth nightmare is over! Now he's a full blown National nightmare!
• Well at least he's good looking.
• I always wanted a porn star for a Senator.
• Filibuster fans the world over watched in horror as the final nail that is Scott Brown was affixed to the coffin.
• If there is one positive I can take away from today is that Scott Brown will never allow for a tax on my Coca Cola. No sir.
• All jokes aside, congrats Scott Brown, I never thought I would troll on Facebook this much just to laugh at your supporters.
• Between Scott Brown winning and Conan being kicked off the tonight show, what's a trendy person to do?
• "If you're not a liberal at twenty you have no heart, if you're not a conservative at forty you have no brain." Winston Churchill
• Therefore all elected Democrats have no brains. How is that not the Republican attack line? If only I had no heart I would rule the world.
• Where are the birthers on Scotty he doesn't look a day past 17.
• What did you expect? You know only rich people can afford umbrellas.
• Thanks for playing Folks! Don't forget to pick up your new cute, cuddly, and slightly "special", Junior Senator from MA on your way out!

Bonus tweet!

• Roast-beef sandwiches are delicious, but a little less so when your Junior Senator is named Scott Brown.

[Crickets Chirping]

What not funny?

Pedestrians ‡ Bikes | Cars || Cars | Bikes ‡ Pedestrians

Regardless of what Dennis said on last week's It's Always Sunny (great show by the way, if not completely pointless) no you should not ride your bike on the side walk because it is in fact against the law, and your doing so may result in me slashing your bike tires (or a donut thrown at your chest from a speeding vehicle, oh it could happen to you).

You only think I'm joking.

The older I get the better off the world is that I did not go to school to become a cop or there would be a surge in bikers being ticketed and smokers getting random tickets for littering, disturbing the peace, and loitering.

Yet I guess if you are afraid of getting hit by a car (or by a beer bottle) you should probably ride on the sidewalk when it comes to busy streets. Though I am ethically opposed to it I guess it can be excused in the name of less dead bikers.

That is unless you are riding over the Mass Ave Bridge where you don't in fact
have to ride on the sidewalk. Why you ask? Because believe it or not there is a dedicated fucking bike lane! No I can assure you it is not for Smart Cars, its made so people like you don't have to choose between being killed by a car or killing a pedestrian. Consider yourself educated

Jon • Kate + 8 = Why Procreation Isn't For Everyone

I really should be doing wedding things for Katy right now but I just had to tell you; Jon and Kate have a dysfunctional relationship. I know this might come as a surprise but if you throw a couple with 8 small children on TV things are not going to end well.

Enough of the trying to be funny and saying something new, I could not care less about Jon and Kate or the Angelina/Brad/Jen love triangle that occasionally turns into a rhombus when Jen finds a man (or in John Meyer's case a boy). My question is why do I need to know about Jon's hot and steamy second affair with the nanny and how they have sex when the kids are in the other room? Why do I need to know that this time Jen is over Brad for real now that she has Gerard Butler in her life (and really going for King Leonidas? So cliche.)

The answer is I don't know, and there will always be room for useless gossip in American culture, you can not get rid of it. The truth is I am fascinated by this in a way, Brad and Jen split up in 2005, or so my research says and yet we are still talking about them. They are either incredibly weak when it comes to their emotions or their is a vast conspiracy in the entertainment industry to keep this story going to make us forget about the fact that Jennifer Aniston's career ended when Friends ended. Regardless the 4 years of Star magazine covers is not ending any time soon.

As for Jon and Kate who thinks having 8 kids is a good idea? OK, and who thinks having camera crews and producers follow your every movement is a good idea? Now let's combine those two ideas. If you came anywhere near the word "moronic" then you are correct. These people are egotistical maniacs! They had 8 children for Christ's sake, talk about narcissistic (and do not blame the fertility drugs, they already had two kids, they knew the chances of having too many kids and they could have helped the world out and adopted). Then they went on TV? When has reality TV ever led to good things? The first winner of Survivor went to jail, and have you seen Flavor of Love?

I don't know where this is going so I'm just going to stop here, but before I go I just want to say do not have 8 children, do not lay your relationship out for all of America to see, and do not under any circumstances date Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, or Jennifer Aniston.

An Open Letter to Dan Shaughnessy

Below is my response to his most recent column and every other column he is ever written.

Dan,

I would appreciate it if you stopped writing columns that prey on people's emotions and disparage individuals when it is easy and convenient for you to do so. Not only is your attack on David Ortiz of speculative nature on a court ordered sealed document it also leaves out the good he has done for people through reaching out to the community. Of course the only thing that matters he tried to be a little better at his job, have you ever cheated on your taxes, have you ever broken the speed limit, have you ever knowingly hurt someone? How is it you find yourself on Mount Pious smiting those who break your moral code?

But I understand, you created the curse, you perpetuated it and you stand to make money from a new one. You ruined Nomar, Pedro, Manny and now Papi, men my childhood was based on. I hope you're (corrected at the behest of Mr. Shaughnessy) happy.

Sincerely,

Kevin Doyle


Edit: In his response Mr. Shaugnessy noticed that i put YOUR instead of YOU'RE like I should have, that was after he told me to grow up.

Notes From a Bar

Yesterday I decided to go to a bar and drink for a couple hours while studying and doing some reading. One problem, yesterday was Saint Patrick's Day and I did not factor that into my plan. So here are the notes I took while sitting there drinking delicious Ballantine from a tall can.

• Who goes to a bar on Saint Patrick's Day and drinks water? Yes I havea problem with how commercial Saint Patricks day is in general but if you are going to celebrate the day by dressing like a Shamrock and going to a bar the least you can do is drink something with alcohol in it.

• That's right, that ID reads Kevin Patrick Doyle and no I am not wearing any green (Though I think the funny look was for the passport I handed her in lieu of my missing Drivers Liscense).

• I am morally opposed to large packs of girls. They are loud, drunk, too well prepared, they cackle and have a weird sense of empowerment in group's larger than 4.

• Why is it that Americans need special days as an excuse to drink and act like children? IF you like to drink and act like an idio then do it, don't hijack an Irish holiday to suit your unfortunate problems. I mean look at me I'm alone, at a bar drinking and complaining about life and I didn't even realize it was a designated drinking day until I got here.

• Is there a more appropriate bar to sit at and drink cheap quality beer while reading a book and complaining about life than a bar modeled after Charles Bukowski?

• Isn't today a work day? How are all these people drinking at 3 in the afternoon? I makes you wonder how Americans espouse the 40 hour work week and how many actually work 40 hours a week? WIth all the cutting out early on fridays, "business lunches", holidays (state approved and not), office parties, sick days, "sick days", and vacation days I wouldn't be surprised if less than half the people who claim to work 40 hours a week actually do.

• It always surprises me how girls take days like Halloween, Saint Patrick's Day, etc. to dress inappropriately and then wonder why men treat them like nothing more than something to stare at.

• "Potato Day" I just heard a toast with those words, I think there is more to Ireland than Potatoes. I bet the Irish government would like you to think otherwise.
  

• I wish my life required me to wear a suit everyday, downside would be I would become a selfish prick.

• Bukowski isn't even fucking Irish, he's German you fools! Get the hell out!

• I should start introducing myself as a writer; simple, and hard to disprove. Again downside would be that I would become a selfish prick.

• Dear Ballantine Executive: The only reason I drink your beer is because my parents let me decipher the riddles you guys put on your bottle caps when I was a child. If your intent with those riddles was to hook children at a young age then you succeeded.

• I hope Saint Patrick realizes that he is one hell of an enabler.

• OMG! (Yes I just did that, digest it and move on) Indiana Jones is here! Background: As you know I work at Borders (no way!), anyway one of our all to frequent customers is a guy who dresses like Indie; every single day of his life. By dresses like I mean hat, jacket, beard, pants, shoes and the archaelogist bag. Well that man is sitting 10 feet away from me.

• One problem with the murals of Bukowski there are not enough Women on them.

• The difference between a pack of girs at a bar and a pack of guys at a bar is with guys all that was discussed was the time and place but with girls it was the time, place, back up place, who to invite, who not to invite, how many drinks to have, how many waters to have, how do we get there, what to wear and is it a girls night or can we try and incorporate a guy or two.

• We have moved from generic Irish musice to the album "London Calling" by The Clash. I knew I liked this bar.

• My waitress doesn't know how to deal with my sitting here drinking alone. I get the sense that she wants to ask me if I'm all right or if I have a drinking problem.

• Not eating all day and then going out for beer and greasy food was a poor choice (And I'm sorry for the all too well known Anchorman line that entered you brain just now, it wasn't my intention).

• Drinking before work was also a poor choice (again sorry), if I'm not slightly boozey by the time I get there then I will be incredibly tired.

• I need to join a drinking club.

• Why don't Women rul the world? Seriously they are better at everything that matters in life. How have they not developed cloning, turned into lesbians and eliminated the male race. Wait, I didn't say any of that.

• Nevermind I did say that because I see what the problem is all women are attracted to assholes and without men they would be lost in trying to find someone who they love that just continually breaks them down emotionally. That's what us men are here for.

• I am not the only person in here drinking while at the same time trying to study. There I feel better.
  

Notes from a Plane

• Waiting to see if someone is going to sit next to you or you will be granted two seats for a 13 hour flight are some of the most nerve racking moments of your life.
  

• Must be easy for Charlie Sheen to play a womanizing douche bag in real life and on TV.

• I could get used to having two seats to myself, but I don't think I could get used to the "You're mother didn't raise you right" glares from the old women on the flight

• Declaring that I have come in contact with animals (Donkeys, Dogs, Water Buffalo, Goats, Sheep and Chickens) may have been a poor choice.

• "Fuck you buddy" were the first words I heard when boarding the plane. Must be a New York bound flight. Oh wait it was.
  

• I am far too tall to lie across two seats.

• Is there ever a plane flight that allows smoking? Or is this just the airlines way of driving smokers crazy for 13 hours at a time?

• One of the many downsides of sharing a flight with old people; they turn their headphones into speakers.

• No I don't want to watch Taylor Swift videos I want the fucking live map god damn it!
  

Egyptian Grumblings II

For Part I navigate your web viewing thingymabobby to this page here.

Grumbling along....

• The Egyptian Museum looks to me like what a WW II era government building should look like, complete with all the old wooden encasements one could desire.
  

• New favorite meal: Kushari

• Egyptians are incredibly friendly, but because of a select few of them (I'm being nice here) you can not trust any of them when it comes to their kindness and the guy we met on the street just after lunch is a perfect example. When at first he just wanted to talk to us about America it seemed perfectly normal, when he led us down a dark alleyway just to show us the front of his store it seemed odd, when he started shouting at us for refusing to have tea with him it was just down right scary. Surprisingly though he believed us when we said we would be back in two hours and we would then have tea. It should be noted that I did not have any tea that day.
  

• Crossing the street in Egypt is like running across a minefield, you just close your eyes, run in zig zagging patterns and hope that you make it to the other side with all your body parts attached.
  

• Stella in Egypt is not Stella in Belgium, more on this next week.
  

• Khan el-Khalili is where the French Tourist was killed by a Grenade last week. How do I know that? No not because I read about it in the news, no, I know about it because whenever I told someone I was going to Egypt they said "Oh watch out that you don't get killed!" And no I didn't get killed at Khan el-Khalili.
  

• Because I love everything public transportation I insisted we take it at some point during our stay in Cairo, something our Taxi driver found rather perplexing when we told him to drop us at a Metro stop. Most interesting thing about the Metro: the Women only cars.
  

• Egyptian Traffic makes all traffic in the US look like 6 lane highway with 5 cars on it. Let's just say that when you have two lanes and you try to drive cars wide the end result is not often a positive one.

• Cairo International Airport is a joke, and I don't use that phrase lightly.

• If the fact that when you call Egypt Air you have to talk to 3-5 different departments to change your flight, or the fact that you need a print out of your online receipt to get your ticker, or that the plane makes a very odd buzzing noise during your entire flight, if those things don't bother your then maybe this fact will (because I was outraged), they are a Pepsi only carrier. Never flying Egypt Air again (lies, I am in a week).

Egyptian Grumblings I

Photo by Katy Kobzeff

After a day of flying, two days in Cairo, another flight, and my first day in Luxor I finally have time to clue you all in on what I have been doing. At first I had a couple individual posts in mind to write up and publish over time (the plane, first day in Cairo, Second day, etc.) but it has all sort of just tumbled into one constant day in my mind that spans four actual days. So what I have decided to do instead of a bunch of separate posts I am going to just bring back the "Grumblings". "Grumblings" are basically like "Ramblings", Underling style (therefore tweets are Little Grumblings). What follows then is the past 4 days condensed into a series of "Grumblings" brought to you in two parts. Enjoy.


**********************

Where: Cairo International Airport
When: Last Night

After being hassled by security (twice mind you) and being shuffled around by the god awful airline known as Egypt Air, I found myself sitting at the gate, waiting to board, staring at this man at a small computer. Now he obviously worked for the airport or airline, that was plain to see, and in the end that really doesn't matter in the slightest. What matters is that after clicking a few buttons on the computer he proceeds to take 30 minutes combing through each and ever last piece of information that is printed out. Now of course this is not your typical printer paper, this is early 90's printer paper with the holes on the side and each sheet is connect to the next. What resulted was this man surrounded by a pile of computer paper with God knows what on it, and there I was trying to read my book but all I could do was turn around every few moments and start laughing uncontrollably at this spectacle. And after about 30 minutes he obviously found what he was looking for, ripped the one sheet he wanted off and sauntered away leaving a pile of paper littering the floor.

What follows was a series of questions I had pertaining to this particular event, all of which I find myself asking every 5-10 minutes here;

1. What the hell is he doing?
2. Why is he doing it?
3. Why is this process so odd?
4. Why is he not doing it my way
5. Who the hell is he?

And so on and so on......

Just keep those questions and questions like them in mind while reading the follow Grumblings, because you know I was.

Grumbling along....

• You know when Ron Jeremy is sitting across from you in the terminal your day is going to go well.....

• I really do not like airport food (though I do like beer), especially at JFK,

• Thanks to about 4 beers I successfully fell asleep before take off only to wake up while we were still over New Brunswick, I remained awake for the rest of the 11 hour flight.
  

• On Southern People: You guys are far too nice, cheery, and slow talking. I can not take it. Flying with a Southern flight attendant, and a pack of Alabamians was far more trying than it needed to be. Let's lay down some ground rules so it never happens again; the civil war ended over a century ago therefore no more calling me a Yankee, no cackling, just because I talk fast does not make me elitist it just means I have better developed motor skills, lastly if and when you talk in and around foreigners please tell them you are from the South of the US (not to be confused with South America) because they always get confused when I don't have a drawl and say y'all like you, best to say that you consider the Northeast a different country all together. Grumbling forward!

• Delta lied to me, their website showed a picture of an airplane equipped with a television for each passenger. What I got was a partially obstructed 17 inch 15 feet away.

• I can never remember the name of Dennis Quaid, not to be confused with Kevin Costner.

• Drinking 4 beers, taking a 1 hour nap, feeling irritated, and being next to the bathroom is not conducive to reading.

• I apparently can not go an entire flight without spilling a liquid of some kind on myself, the lucky liquid this time: Hot Tea.

• In Egypt certain individuals are allowed in the arrival terminal, so they can assist you in getting a Visa, your luggage and getting through customs. I feel as if this lends itself to corruption and terrorism, but hey what do I know?

• First of all, Egyptians drive like crazy people, but that's neither here nor there. What is truly disturbing is that there is a cop position every 50 - 100 yards on the street armed either with a Kalashnikov or a Radio. They appear to be glorified traffic cops but then you see cops with "Traffic" on their chest. I think this is President Mubarak's way of preventing and better responding to the eventual car bomb in Cairo. Disturbing yet reassuring at the same time.

• Pyramids = Very large
  

• The Menna House was everything I expected and more. The pyramids were about 400 yards from our window, need I say more?
  

• Watching Katy haggle with Taxi drivers is very amusing. It's something about them initially treating her like a stupid American woman, only to realize that she speaks Arabic and lived in Cairo for a while so she knows their ways. And taxi drivers are scum.
  

• We went to dinner in what is considered the best Egyptian food restaurant in Cairo, and it lived up to its reputation. The clientele was that best part though
  

• We went to bed at about 7 PM local time and slept until 7 AM the next day, no I am not kidding. Though I was briefly disturbed from my slumber around midnight when Katy couldn't sleep and wanted to go check out the Disco.

Part II will follow tomorrow, stay tuned....

And We're Back with some Grumblings

Well after an action packed Christmas that made my Christmas post seem almost prophetic I am back to my blogging ways. The events of Christmas do need to be noted in some form but I do not know in what type of medium to bring it to you. All in good time though.

In other news Eric's birthday proved to be uneventful by Eric/Danny standards. Though I did have my first scorpion bowl which proved to be both tasty and dangerous. Because of work today I made an early exit to ensure I would not be hungover while serving the book loving populace.

Speaking of which today I get to work for 4 hours, that is down from 8. I kind of hope that is a mix up and not a permanent thing because if I am working 4 hour shifts once or twice a week that may prove to be a problem. Stay tuned.

I also attended the Nutcracker yesterday with Katy, which involved two bars and roughly 4 beers over a few hour span. Needless to say I enjoyed myself.

Lastly my Co-Op with the BRA will be ending this Wednesday (sad face) which means some awkward good byes and a shift in life priorities which means blogging will either skyrocket or cease because of a workload. I'm hoping for the former.

Normally this is where on most blogs people wish you a happy New Year and say that they have a whole bunch of fun things planned for their readers in 2009 (weird to think this decade is almost over already). Well I have nothing planned for you, I'm sorry. You will just have to trust that I will come up with things on the fly or make the old things that much more enjoyable to keep pace. Regardless I hope you continue to come back in 2009, I will still be here, I hope.