So Long and Thanks for All the Books

I worked at Borders for 10 months and all I got was this stupid name tag.

As you may or may not know two weeks ago I decided to resign my position as junior used car salesman at Borders Inc. because of something I like to call "Corporate Differences". Well today was my last day, an uneventful one that resulted in me getting a free drink in the cafe. No not because I donated a bag of beans to the USO but because I somehow have aquired 5 Borders Bucks. Here is my thoughts on my departure.

Things I Will Not Miss:

• "Do you have a Borders Rewards card? Would you like one, it just takes 30 seconds, an email address and it's completely free?"
• The Kid's Section
• Listening to Genilee talk about her cats, her 42348923 nieces and nephews, how she does not want to pass her genetics on, how she can't touch candy because she will pass out, how she is being promoted to a fictional position of "head cashier", why she only drinks Diet Mountain Dew, her response to customers asking how she is which is "awake", her babel about how much product she suckers customers into buying.
• Master Wok
  
• Heather and that condescending sneer that she gives whenever I ask her a question.
• The T-Mobile sellers
• Finding playboys in the Manga section
• Pep talks on how to get my Borders Rewards numbers up. You know how I got that 70% Borders? I punched in random phone numbers and made fake accounts. And you didn't catch me!
• Joel Olsteen's stupid face
  
• The Asian guy who always put things on reserve so he could go get money from the ATM but then never came back.
• People who read Twilight. Or as Borders calls them "Twihards".
• Recovering the sex section and having people tell me that "You can really find good books in this section"
• The Big Penis Book
• Telling people they should donate a bag of bean's to the troops so they can drink something good for once. Yes because what we need is shitty Border's coffee running through our soldier's veins as they dodge bullets and get rocket proppelled grenades shot at them. At least they are drinking good coffee.
  
• Being told that I'm an idiot by customer's who, though they can't read the sign that says "enter line here", are smarter than me.
  
• Joel Olsteen's Wife's even stupider face.
• Having to place Toni Morrison's books next to books like this.
• Operating registers from the 1980's
• U2
• Motown Hits
• Frank Sinatra
• Bruce Springsteen
  
• My Chemical Romance
• Paul McCartney and the Fireman
• New Bob Dylan
• Robert Plant & Allison Kraus
• Having to explain that why Borders does not have a Biography section.
• Seeing The Shack as the number one best seller.
• Tucker Max
• Telling people to just go buy it on Amazon.
• Explaining why it says "Likely in Store" and not "In Stock" and then providing an example of why it says just that.
  

Things I Will Miss:

• My discount.

Now the Underling needs to go find a job.......

"Recomendations" + Poor Children + The Homeless + Soldiers = 2 Weeks

I have been meaning to post this for about a week and a half now but for one reason or another I have not, sorry.

So I quit my job. Borders to be specific. I know, no more discount on books, how could I? Here's how:

Since I started working at Borders the company has been shifting it's Customer Service in store staff towards being salesmen, are new name was "bookseller". With the downturn of the economy and the retention of bankruptcy lawyers on the part of Borders they really started to tightening the screws on the entire staff to start "urging" customers to buy a specific product.

Before I went to Egypt I could handle the little bits of pressure the managers put on me and I would just shrug it off and move on with my day. Upon my return things were a little different.

What confronted me was a sign that said if any employee failed to great and "recommend" a product to every customer within 10 feet of them they would be terminated. On top of that we would each be graded for every CSI (those surveys the ask you to fill out over the phone at the register) that is issued during our shift. As well as we would be graded by a manager and asked to sign off on said grade each shift. Not to mention there are four specific products that we are supposed to be "intimate" with so we can better "recommended" them to customers (last week they were a stuffed bunny, a medical narrative about a woman with cancer, some random harcover novel about a Chinese love story, and the new Jodi Piccoult book. If I had my way I would reccomend they don't buy those things).

Throw on top of that our "charities" that we run at the register which include a stuffed bunny you can buy for $6 that we take all the profits from and then donate to the Salvation army, or the book drive that requires you to by a specific book from us that we again take the profit from and then donate at your behest, OR (my favorite) you can buy a bag of coffee beans from us for $10 and donate it to the troops oversees for which we get all the profit and you can have a free drink from our cafe.

Because you know if there is one thing our servicemen and women need in Iraq and Afghanistan it's to be hooked on bad coffee. Here's a real charity, how about we start taking money that goes to buying them more body armor or maybe to help disabled veterans recover from injuries such as missing extremities or PTSD. Preying on peoples emotions with poor children, the homeless and soldiers just to make a buck. Fuck You Borders for making me feel guilty every time I process a transaction. Shame on you.

And all this in a time of economic recession.

For those reasons I gave my two weeks notice on Saturday March 21st, and for that reason all my co-workers (some managers included) gave me congratulations. Just a little something Borders, when your employees congratulate each other about being able to quit the company it means you are doing something wrong.

Twitter me this.

So my check bounced today. Not just any old check, but a check from the City of Boston. A payroll check for close to $200. I was kind of counting on that money, money that I was given counter credit for. So what I'm really saying is is that this is not cool. Because I no longer work at the BRA this is going to cause me to call my boss on Monday and ask her to help me deal with this instead of me emailing HR from my office email which would have been much easier. Also I was expecting another $200 check to come in tomorrow which now I will be worried it will bounce.

I mean how does the City of Boston using Paychex bounce a fucking check? How is that possible? I mean I know I was the lowest of the low in my department and if anyone is going to miss out on money it's going to be the kid who USED to work there, but come on.

Sorry I just couldn't adequately describe my frustration in a Tweet.

An Everlasting Peace.

The Underling is officially no longer an employee of the City of Boston.

It should be noted that in his final hours in office he was able to successfully engineer a long and everlasting peace between himself and the Coke Machine on the condition that he never attempt to purchase a Coke from the Machine again.

Top Five: The Day of Days

The Underling does not enjoy last days at all. They make him paranoid, antsy, and above they bring about his Catholic Guilt. So in honor of his last day working for the BRA we are proud to bring you the Underlings top five most awkward/memorable last days. Today we will actually go in reverse to build up some excitement and intrigue!


5. Tie between working for my father and Northeastn Intramurals. I am still off an on with both so this doesn't really count but I needed a #5.

European Parliament: Stagiere to Pawel Piskorski:
There was really nothing awkward about this day other than the hug and good bye with Weronika and the obvious absence of my boss. What really hit me about this day was that I was leaving Belgium shortly there after, a place I could have spent the rest of my life and been happy about it. A very emotional day, the most emotional last day I have had, to say the least.

Enos Marine:
My first job ever and coincidentally it was my first last day ever! This last day was awkward because my boss thought that I should work for 2 more weeks and then go to college. I on the other hand thought that I needed two weeks to get my shit together and fully deal with the fact that I was moving on. She thought it was irresponsible, I thought it was normal. Regardless to this day it is difficult to talk to my old boss when I take my father's boat out.


Secretary of the Commonwealth Corporations Division:
I consider this awkward because I avoided saying good bye to every member of the Corporations division (40 people) on my way out. How I did that I have no clue, but it was glorious.

Woodman's of Essex:
This job takes the cake when it comes to awkward memorable last days. All in all it was a few last days wrapped into one because of all the titles I held here. What makes it so memorable is that at Woodman's it is tradition to be thrown into the lobster tank out front on your last day. I was no exception. The entire day I was a nervous wreck waiting to be thrown into the tank (which is something like 40 degrees Fahrenheit) while my co-workers kept snickering at me and making gestures that implied that I would be getting really wet later that evening.

Now I'm a good guy and if I don't say so myself a rather cute one, something that worked in my favor at Woodman's because at least half of the workers are High School girls. And on my last day that worked in my favor. With a few minutes before close a couple of the girls told me to leave and that they would punch me out so I could avoid getting dunked in the tank. I took them up on their offer and was out the door only to realize I forgot my regular shoes, which I had to go back for. That of course was my undoing. I was immediately grabbed and dragged out to the tank, at this point I decided I would not go down without a fight. I kicked my legs and swung my arms breaking someones glasses and knocking someone else to the ground, but to no avail, I went in the tank. I then drove home without any pants on.

My plan of leaving early would not have worked btw because earlier that day the other guys in the kitchen went out and blocked me in with their cars. That would have brought upon a situation where I would have waited out my co-workers until the wee hours of the morning then would have snuck off and called someone to come pick me up. Oh if only that had happened.

And We're Back with some Grumblings

Well after an action packed Christmas that made my Christmas post seem almost prophetic I am back to my blogging ways. The events of Christmas do need to be noted in some form but I do not know in what type of medium to bring it to you. All in good time though.

In other news Eric's birthday proved to be uneventful by Eric/Danny standards. Though I did have my first scorpion bowl which proved to be both tasty and dangerous. Because of work today I made an early exit to ensure I would not be hungover while serving the book loving populace.

Speaking of which today I get to work for 4 hours, that is down from 8. I kind of hope that is a mix up and not a permanent thing because if I am working 4 hour shifts once or twice a week that may prove to be a problem. Stay tuned.

I also attended the Nutcracker yesterday with Katy, which involved two bars and roughly 4 beers over a few hour span. Needless to say I enjoyed myself.

Lastly my Co-Op with the BRA will be ending this Wednesday (sad face) which means some awkward good byes and a shift in life priorities which means blogging will either skyrocket or cease because of a workload. I'm hoping for the former.

Normally this is where on most blogs people wish you a happy New Year and say that they have a whole bunch of fun things planned for their readers in 2009 (weird to think this decade is almost over already). Well I have nothing planned for you, I'm sorry. You will just have to trust that I will come up with things on the fly or make the old things that much more enjoyable to keep pace. Regardless I hope you continue to come back in 2009, I will still be here, I hope.

Nothing New

Sorry, but there will be nothing new here today, the Underling is preparing for Christmas at home and finishing up his Co-Op so he will have little time to post over the next couple days. There will be a post tomorrow that I have scheduled. It's an archive post so there was little work on my part. Saturday I will be attending a party for a Mr. Eric Zetterval on Saturday evening which will be taking place at every bar in the downtown area. I am with out a doubt certain there will be things to talk about. Also next Wednesday will be my last day at the BRA so there will be some posts along that line.

Until then I wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy Holiday Season!

I was debating putting this on Twitter but then my Twitter went down.

I successfully got around having the "You did a fine job, and we will miss you" conversation with my boss's boss (Trish's boss Christine) today by leaving the meeting immediately and hiding in the men's room for about 10 minutes.

I'm dreading my final day and I am dreading having to fill out my evaluation with Trish and any other surprises that come my way. I should just call in sick on my last day. Then again that would be an awkward phone call.

More on this later.