Top 5: Things NOT to Say to an IM Official

If working for Northeastern Intramural Sports has taught me anything it has taught me how to take a whole lot of abuse from peers. As a result of that abuse I have come to look at the role of a referee in a new light as well as speculate as to how smart students who attend NU really are. What follows are 5 things you should never say to an IM official unless you are A) looking to make yourself look like an idiot or B) looking to get yourself banned from IM Sports and the Marino Center.


5. He hit me first!

Unfortunately I did not see him hit you first, if I had he would also have a penalty. And no I am not going to take your word for it, if I did that I would be calling a "penalty" on someone every 30 seconds. Besides that, did your mother never teach you about turning the other cheek and being the better person? Or maybe you learned about proportional responses? Sort of along the lines of being pushed to the ground and then turning around and slugging the guy in the face, I think that was not a proportional response on your part.

On top of that I have one set of eyes and unfortunately they both have to look in the same direction at all times. So yes I miss calls occasionally, it happens, get over it, losing a IM dodgeball game should not be up there with the murder of a family member.


4. Have you played Hockey before?

I love answering this question because in fact as a Hockey ref I have played hockey once or twice in my life (wowzers!), to be specific I have been skating since I was 2 and been playing Hockey since I was 4, so what's your next question Mr. Lipton? Do I know how to blow a whistle? Do I know how to lace up my skates properly? Do I sleep at night? Am I blind? I have a question for you: can you read? In particular the part of the rules where it says this is a "non-contact league". I don't care how hockey is played in the NHL because believe it or not this isn't the NHL and you aren't Sidney Fucking Crosby so stop whining like him and serve your two fucking minutes.

3. Shut the #%&@ Up! (and all manner of swearing thrown in my direction)

This one puzzles me; why would someone think it is all right to verbally abuse the person who controls their playing eligibility? It's liking bitching to a cop for a speeding ticket, what do you want a busted tailight and reckless driving tacked on? I can throw you out of this game for looking at me the wrong way (sadly I haven't found a pair of IM eyes I couldn't stare down) and no one from my boss to the President of the University would fault me for it. But yet you think it's ok to tell me to go fuck myself and how to do it? Do I look like the dumbest guy in the world to you? On second thought don't answer that question, just be quiet.

2. What's your name?

What are you going to do with my name? Complain to my boss about me? He likes me and he doesn't like you. More importantly he doesn't like people questioning the calls of his officials. So what on God's green earth do you think he is going to say to you, do you think he is going to fire me because my interpretation of a hooking penalty is a bit different then yours? I think not.

1. You want to fight outside after this is over?
This isn't as much of something not to say to a referee as much as it is a fear I have. I am waiting for the day when I'm walking down the street, ordering a beer at a bar, or grabbing a box of Cheeze-Its from the shelf at Shaws and suddenly someone blindsides me with their fist. And all that because they couldn't understand why I threw them out of a game for jumping over the boards and playing the role of Killer from Slapshot. It's going to happen, maybe not tomorrow and maybe not next year, but someday it is going to happen.


Just keep the audible noises from your throat to a minimum and behave like the decent human being your mother and father brought you up to be. That's all we ask.

What I Am Reading: Factotum

The funny thing is I have two more Bukowski books sitting on my shelf. In the latest installment of creepy old men I enjoy reading, we have yet another Charles Bukowski book, Factotum. After Women this is the most recomended book by Bukowski, so I expect great things.

Apparently this was a movie starring Matt Dillon. Now if I were to make a movie based on a Charles Bukowski book, I would not give the role of Henry Chinaski to Johnny Drama's brother. My top five actors would be:

5. Gene Hackman: Gene Hackman has been in just short of 10,000 films and has played every role under the sun AND is in my favorite always on TV movie, The Quick and The Dead. He can play Henry Chinaski better than Matt Dillon.

4. Jack Nicholson: We know he is creepy and we know he enjoys loose woman and booze so fitting into the role of Chinaski would not be too hard. The only problem is at this time in his career what we would get in this movie would be Jack Nicholson living the life of Henry Chinaski. Jack no longer acts, he just screams at Laker games and puts butts in seats.

3. Nicolas Cage: I despise all movie Nicolas Cage except Matchstick Men, which of course is what I am drawing off of. Cage can play a creepy eccentric man, that is the only role he can play besides Nick Cage. As long as he doesn't play Nick Cage in this movie we are ok.

While I'm on the topic George Clooney is the same way, except better looking and we like the role of George Clooney and his Leatherheads and O Brother Where Art Thou persona is not creepy.

2. Casey Affleck: No he isn't a creepy old man, though he has the potential, but if you are going to be making a movie of a young Henry Chinaski, Casey (Not Ben) Affleck is your man. May need a little uglying up and an attempt to tone down the Boston accent but other than that he is awkward enough to fit the bill.

1. John Malkovich: Though I know what Bukowski looks like but John Malkovich is who I picture when I'm reading. He has no problem playing creepy, eccentric, overbearing assholes, just watch Rounders.

As for the cover, like all covers Bukowski it is a good solid cover (and it's not the movie cover mind you) but I still prefer the new covers that have been being made recently and if it was not for the movie we would have had one redone for Factotum.

On Encores, M. Ward and a Top Five

Two music posts in one day, you lucky dogs!

I pose a question to you the reader; when was the last time you went to a show (that was not a festival) and an encore did not occur? In my brief concert career I have never not witnessed an encore. It is just a forgone conclusion that barring a disaster of epic proportions that there will be an encore. Nothing short of the lead singer dropping dead is going to stop it. It has gotten to the point where the actual encore is not really an encore, it's just the second act of the overall show, if the crowd kept cheering after the house lights went up and then the band came back. That would be a real encore.

Anyway let's not dwell on negative thougths...onward to the show!

A couple thoughts:

- M. Ward is sneaky good on guitar. His albums do him no justice, you can not see the passion he puts into playing nor is the guitar as prominent on the album as it is at the show. His performance was by far the best I have seen on guitar out of any show I have seen. Having said that Katy pointed out that I may just not know what it means to be good on guitar. This is true, I don't and between M. Ward and Jack White, White is considered by most everyone to be the better guitarist and that is probably so, but what I witnessed was a far superior performance.

- The Somerville Theatre was a great venue to see a concert at. It was small enough that anywhere in the auditorium would have felt like an intimate setting. That and they had four Harpoon drafts on tap for $4 each!

I characterized it as a mini version of the Orpheum, too which Katy said "so it's a small version of very old theatre". Which I guess is true, but what I meant was it was a kind of unkempt theatre that is more geared towards affordable younger generation shows rather than The Wang, The Colonial and the like which are geared towards Broadway shows and ballet performances. And if that place serves beer during movies then it is the best place on earth.

It was a great show, it really was, and it got me thinking what is my Top 5 shows I have seen. Granted I haven't seen too many shows yet (13) but there is a clear distinction between my Top 5 and the rest. After I thought about it I came to the conclusion that there are two separate types of shows making up the top five which led me to break them down into two groups "The Unknown Show" and "The Show You Thought You Knew"

Top 5 Concerts (By type and in no real order)

Tier 1 - The Unknown Show

The premise, which I will elaborate on, of this tier is that your expectations going into the show were pretty much non-existent but you walked out in a daze of sorts.

M Ward - The Somerville Theatre

I first knew this show was going to be a good one when the opener closed with a great rendition of this song:



After they finished Katy mentioned that this is probably the only Beatles song I have ever heard live, and as big of a Beatles fan that I am that is slightly amazing.

Anyway going into this show I didn't expect much, to be honest I was kind of a little nervous that it was going to take away from my Spanish test today (which I aced!) and was only looking forward to a couple songs.

The result was anything but that, I completely forgot about Spanish, I got really into it; moving from side to side and playing the drums on the seat in front of me and if you know me that's not me. But the biggest thing is that I was left wanting more. Katy pointed this out when we were leaving the show and I think it correlates to the way I feel about really good books, you lose yourself in the show (not the hippy, I had an out of body experience moment, lose yourself but the I forgot what time it was lose yourself) like in a good book you forget the page numbers and when it ends it leave you thinking.

All in all there were a lot of unknown factors coming into the show that really ended up being great and not something that you could get from an album; M. Ward's guitar skills are more prominent on stage than in the studio, his band fits him, the band feeds off each others enthusiasm, they are not just playing the album onstage and the music lends itself to a good performance.

Those factors boil down to an amazing, and unfathomable to myself beforehand, experience.

Jamie Lidell I - The Paradise

Much like M. Ward I went into this show with little to know expectations and nothing but a overview of the artist and his work as a whole. I walked away from that show with not only a Jim T-Shirt that to this day makes people think my name is Jim but also with my first great concert experience.

Having listened to Jamie Lidell a few times going into the show I thought it would be a decent rock/pop show. What I got was a certified crazy man on stage with a band that consisted of a porn star complete with mustache, a rocket man complete with onsey zipup and Will Ferrell's character from old school. And they were all high, like really high.

Lidell was nothing like his album, he sang harder, louder and made all his songs longer. To top it off for the encore he came out with a TV set with spinning antennae on his head.

It was above and beyond anything I could imagine.

Tier 2 - The Show You Thought You Knew

These shows are best characterized as shows that I could sing along with every single word, and still I got more than I came for.

Jamie Lidell II - The Paradise
If drugged up, porn starring oafs with TV sets weren't enough the second show added bagpipes, a middle-aged Keith Richards looking guy, being the last show, a crazy little black woman who threw instruments around the set as the opener, and a Mr. Lidell out in the crowd.

Nine Inch Nails - DCU Center
Nothing could have made this show better in my mind going into it, I was prepared for an amazing mind blowing show. Well I was wrong, the lighting and visual presentation was more intense and technologically advanced than I thought possible. That and the guy sitting next to me gave his seat up for Katy (who had because the Egypt debacle and Trent's voice had to sell her ticket only to be able to go later with a lesser ticket) and I was introduced to the glory that is Peter Murphy singing Reptile:



Vampire Weekend - The Orpheum
I have been enjoying Vampire Weekend for over a year now and for the majority of said year not many things would have made me as happy as seeing Vampire Weekend live, nothing could make the experience more enjoyable then just being there. Oh contrare monfrare! Having a bunch of drunk kids who thought they were seeing a bunch of Vampires performing sitting in front of you makes it more enjoyable.



Next show will be Of Montreal at the Paradise in April, that show should be real interesting.

Top Five: Kinds of Coke (Soda)

Anyone who knows me knows I love Coke (the soda of course my crazy drug addictions I am saving for a later date). A love that eats away at my insides and shaves minutes off my life with every glass. No matter though, it tastes good and hurts no one else's insides, unlike some other addiction. No more need to talk let my addiction speak for itself. Enjoy!

Top Five: Kinds of Coke (Soda)

1. European Canned Coke (Belgian Coke Can pictured)



Oh the sweet sugar! European Coke is made with sugar cane and not corn syrup, which makes this tasty drink unmeasurably better than it is in the US. People are always asking me about Belgium and if I miss it, to which I respond that I do, but really it is not Belgium that I miss but the sugar cane laced Coke that they provide. People think all I drank was Stella while in Europe but in fact I guzzled soda like no tomorrow. Beer? Ha! It holds nothing to Coke!

Oh if anyone has a connection to a Coke factory some where in Europe and can get me a job, hook a fiend up will you?

2. US Coke in a can



Up until last January this would have been #1 but then I went to Belgium and developed an addiction to sugar cane. But makes a proper substitute until I find myself in Europe again. The corn syrup aside what I desire is the Coke that has been fermenting in the can, eating away at the sides of that can (being a circle I guess I should say side not sides, but Math confuses me so let's leave it at that). And the sound it makes when you crack it open.

3. Fountain Soda



Stop shouting! Yes I know that you think I'm crazy to place Fountain Soda behind two separate (and clearly not equal) cans of Coke but I would like to explain myself. I agree Coke from a fountain can be the best Coke in the world, with the perfect levels of soda and syrup nothing can beat it. That being said Fountain Soda can be unbearable at times with too much syrup or too much soda. It is because of this inconsistency of Fountain Soda that it can be found at #3 on this list. If I could be guarenteed that each concoction was too my liking then yes it would be at #1 but alas it is not.

4. 16 oz



Where the can will not re-close and the fountain soda is a bit too large, the 16 oz is necessary. Despite it's plasticky taste and it's inclination to turn your soda warm far before you are finished. It works when moving from class to class in a way that a can would seem awkward and after a few minutes it doesn't turn sweaty like a fountain soda.

5. 2 Liter



The 2 Liter is the pack mule of the Coke world; nothing special but it gets the job done. Like it's little brother the 16 oz it has that plasticky taste that takes away from the flavor, but it's the cheapest way to get 2 Liters of coke and if you don't finish it in one sitting like I do then you can put it away for later.

Honorable Mention: Coke in a glass (Coke in a glass is delicious I must admit but I have not sampled one in a long time which disqualifies it from making this list).

Top Five: The Day of Days

The Underling does not enjoy last days at all. They make him paranoid, antsy, and above they bring about his Catholic Guilt. So in honor of his last day working for the BRA we are proud to bring you the Underlings top five most awkward/memorable last days. Today we will actually go in reverse to build up some excitement and intrigue!


5. Tie between working for my father and Northeastn Intramurals. I am still off an on with both so this doesn't really count but I needed a #5.

European Parliament: Stagiere to Pawel Piskorski:
There was really nothing awkward about this day other than the hug and good bye with Weronika and the obvious absence of my boss. What really hit me about this day was that I was leaving Belgium shortly there after, a place I could have spent the rest of my life and been happy about it. A very emotional day, the most emotional last day I have had, to say the least.

Enos Marine:
My first job ever and coincidentally it was my first last day ever! This last day was awkward because my boss thought that I should work for 2 more weeks and then go to college. I on the other hand thought that I needed two weeks to get my shit together and fully deal with the fact that I was moving on. She thought it was irresponsible, I thought it was normal. Regardless to this day it is difficult to talk to my old boss when I take my father's boat out.


Secretary of the Commonwealth Corporations Division:
I consider this awkward because I avoided saying good bye to every member of the Corporations division (40 people) on my way out. How I did that I have no clue, but it was glorious.

Woodman's of Essex:
This job takes the cake when it comes to awkward memorable last days. All in all it was a few last days wrapped into one because of all the titles I held here. What makes it so memorable is that at Woodman's it is tradition to be thrown into the lobster tank out front on your last day. I was no exception. The entire day I was a nervous wreck waiting to be thrown into the tank (which is something like 40 degrees Fahrenheit) while my co-workers kept snickering at me and making gestures that implied that I would be getting really wet later that evening.

Now I'm a good guy and if I don't say so myself a rather cute one, something that worked in my favor at Woodman's because at least half of the workers are High School girls. And on my last day that worked in my favor. With a few minutes before close a couple of the girls told me to leave and that they would punch me out so I could avoid getting dunked in the tank. I took them up on their offer and was out the door only to realize I forgot my regular shoes, which I had to go back for. That of course was my undoing. I was immediately grabbed and dragged out to the tank, at this point I decided I would not go down without a fight. I kicked my legs and swung my arms breaking someones glasses and knocking someone else to the ground, but to no avail, I went in the tank. I then drove home without any pants on.

My plan of leaving early would not have worked btw because earlier that day the other guys in the kitchen went out and blocked me in with their cars. That would have brought upon a situation where I would have waited out my co-workers until the wee hours of the morning then would have snuck off and called someone to come pick me up. Oh if only that had happened.

Top Five: Belgian Beers

The first top five was a great success. Well we hope it was because in actuality I have no idea how many of you liked it. Regardless because of it's possible success, my day off and the fact that Katy finally found a picture of my favorite Belgian beer we now have a new Top Five (I'm thinking this will become weekly, biweekly, or monthly)! Today's is Top Five Belgian Beers!

Because I am obviously the go to authority for everything Belgian I thought I would bring you my top five beers which are obviously the undisputed top five Belgian beers there are.

1. Maes also known as Campus (pictured above)

- Some may think it tastes like throw up but I disagree, and it is the beer of choice at De Girafe, my favorite Leuven bar!

2. Lambic Geuze

- I know what you are thinking, only a real man drinks Lambic, well you are absolutely correct in that assumption. Though this Lambic is like no other, it tastes like iced tea and not anything like an alcoholic beverage (no it wasn't actual iced tea, though I can not prove it). And it is brewed and served exclusively at Bécasse in Brussels.

3. Stella Artois

- The juggernaut and the only Belgian beer I knew before I went there. I love it. If not only for the fact that in the States its a fancy beer in a green bottle with a white paper top and in Belgium it is considered quite literally to be a "shit beer" or "Pintjes"

4. Jupiler

- I first came in to contact with Jupiler at about 10 AM on a train ride to Bruges. I was offered a seat by a few French Belgians who went on to preach of how "Jupiler" (A heavy accent on the end of the word I was told juPILER!) was in fact the best beer in the world. They offered me one out of their backpack and then another one when they disembarked from the train. It must be noted that Jupiler is cheaper than Stella and can be purchased in cans out of vending machines throughout Belgium. Delicious, yes. "Best beer in the world?" I think not.

5. Delirium Tremens

- This is a place holder until I can determine what other beer I enjoyed should go here. But it is a worthy place holder with a 9% alcohol tag and what my Taxi driver from the airport says were "Pink elephants on the glasses that when they start dancing you know you have had too many?"

As always you are encouraged to submit your own top 5.


Beers that will never appear on this list

-Hoegaarden (Who-garden)
-Vedette

Top Five: Bars of Leuven

The Underling feels nostalgic for the days of yore, so today he gives you his first top five post (New Feature)! David Letterman does the top 10, The Underling likes to be more specific. If you have ever or will ever spend time in Leuven, Belgium, then heed the following top 5. If you do not plan on visiting Leuven, something The Underling considers to be a crime upon humanity, then just act like you know what I'm talking about.

For this top 5 I give no explanations as to why I like them (unless so posted), but of course the list is open for debate. And please feel free to make your own list and put it in the comments section (I am staring at you Daniel).

Top 5 Leuven Bars (In my humble opinion)

1. De Girafe (Balkan Beats and Drug Dealers)
2. Revue (Old Timers)
3. Cafe Alle (Meters)
4. De Blokhut (Pool Room)
5. Politika (€1 Stella)

Missed the Cut

Train Station Bar
Underground Bar below De Kauf (Forgot the name)

Note: If the Underling ever makes it back to Leuven he will take many pictures of the aforementioned bars and will post them along with many many words.

As always the above picture is provided by Ms. Katy Kobzeff