Tuesday, July 14, 2009

(P • B) ⊃ B

I like Blueberry Pancakes (and Raspberry ones) and I like beer, and because I am taking a Logic class (which I may or may not pass, evidence of the latter to follow) I can say say that just because I like Blueberry Pancakes and I like beer does not mean I would like Blueberry Pancake beer. Aux contrare monfrare! As a matter of fact (P • B) ⊃ B! [(If I like Blueberry Pancakes • I like Beer) ⊃ I like Blueberry Pancake Beer!]

To be fair, Sea Dog Blue Paw is not meant to be a Blueberry Pancake Beer, just merely a beer that tastes like blueberries. Yet the buttery aftertaste combined with the taste of blueberries makes you feel like you are gorging yourself on pancakes that have the added benefit of getting you drunk. I feel as if Willy Wonka is behind this, realizing that beer that tastes like a delicious meal is far more marketable than his three course gum.

That being said I find it hard to keep up my very manly reputation while frequently being seen drinking a fruit beer (pun intended). Katy very frequently attacks my manliness on the grounds that I enjoy beers such as UFO Raspberry, Sea Dog Blue Paw and Hell or High Watermelon (though her intentions for doing so elude me). Here I mount my defense.

1. Try Sea Dog, I guarantee you will like it! (imagine a local TV commercial pitchman voice and then do what it says)

2. Since when does like a tasty beer make you less manly? Why do I have to drink Coors Light or Bud Light to be a man? Or to go to the other end why do I need to drink IPA or some bitter beer that looks like it was fermented with black licorice to be a man? Why can't I just like the beer that I like.

3. Which brings me to my next point, in Belgium, one of the leaders in beer making since the beginning of time, drink a fruit flavored beer known as Lambic. Besides being one of the best things on the face of the planet (though when I say this leave the Cherry flavored one out, it tastes like Robitussin), it is not considered non manly to have.

4. It is made in Maine and real men are from Maine.

With my manliness living to fight (or not fight) another day, we now come to the obvious the question; if a beer tastes like blueberry pancakes and blueberry pancakes are eaten for breakfast is it OK for one to drink a blueberry pancake tasting beer for breakfast?

I say yes, but then again I am not opposed to drinking at all hours of the day to begin with. I mean the ability to have a drink, not actually drink all hours of the day, I may be manly but not that manly.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

The Buck Stops Here

To quote the large book about a man I read in 7th grade, "The Buck Stops Here". Big Buck Hunter makes me want to buy a shotgun and go hunting for Big Buck Hunter consoles. In particular the Big Buck Hunter at TC's Lounge. Why? Because at no point in it's existence does that game not piss me off.

The one thing that really, really, really, really gets my gourd (old people say it why can't I?) is the noise that emanates from the machine when someone is not playing it. It makes this western wolf like noise every time the game starts it's loop. If you have been with me to TC's you would know that each time it does this I also make a noise, but one a game isn't allowed to make.

Now let's get one thing straight, if you live in Boston, you attend Berklee, you wear flip flops with pants and you frequent a drinking establishment called TC's Lounge then you are not a hunter and the closest you are going to get to a rifle and a large four legged animal is a paint ball gun and your friends Newfoundland (an exchange you would lose). So no, I'm not impressed by the "skillz" you have in respect to Big Buck Hunter, because if that gun was real and that Moose an actual 400 pound piece of meat and fur you would have no clue what to do.

Which brings me to my next point; it's just glorified target practice, that cheetah isn't going to maul you and that heard of Buffalo isn't going to trample you. There is no threat to your person what so ever, you are hitting clay ducks but instead of a gun with kickback its a glorified laser pointer for $1 - $2. That's fun?

That all being said, I had my moment of weakness with the game a few weeks ago when Katy and I went to NYC for her to sit in a meeting and for me to drink at random bars. At one of these said bars I was going to the bathroom and I noticed that there was a "Safari" edition of Buck Hunter. After scoffing at it I noticed that there was one credit already loaded on the game, and being a person who never turns down things that are free, and apparently a person who changes there opinion on things just because they are now free (so yes give me free things and then I will no longer sneer at you, strong convictions), I decided to give it the good old college try (I have no idea what that means but I wanted to say it). I picked my weapon (having never fired a weapon this was quite simple and random), I picked my prey (always wanted to hunt Elephant, just don't have the few extra grand laying around to pay off an African tribe to tie one up for me to shoot), and I was ready.

Then the machine prompted me for another credit. Like teachers making making 10 question quizzes worth 20 points, this machine made one play worth 2 credits. Why would they do that? Besides making me feel and look like a complete and utter moron I can think of no reasons.

So yes Big Buck Hunter does make me want to shoot things, but four legged animals have no need to be worried.