Sunday, July 12, 2009

The Buck Stops Here

To quote the large book about a man I read in 7th grade, "The Buck Stops Here". Big Buck Hunter makes me want to buy a shotgun and go hunting for Big Buck Hunter consoles. In particular the Big Buck Hunter at TC's Lounge. Why? Because at no point in it's existence does that game not piss me off.

The one thing that really, really, really, really gets my gourd (old people say it why can't I?) is the noise that emanates from the machine when someone is not playing it. It makes this western wolf like noise every time the game starts it's loop. If you have been with me to TC's you would know that each time it does this I also make a noise, but one a game isn't allowed to make.

Now let's get one thing straight, if you live in Boston, you attend Berklee, you wear flip flops with pants and you frequent a drinking establishment called TC's Lounge then you are not a hunter and the closest you are going to get to a rifle and a large four legged animal is a paint ball gun and your friends Newfoundland (an exchange you would lose). So no, I'm not impressed by the "skillz" you have in respect to Big Buck Hunter, because if that gun was real and that Moose an actual 400 pound piece of meat and fur you would have no clue what to do.

Which brings me to my next point; it's just glorified target practice, that cheetah isn't going to maul you and that heard of Buffalo isn't going to trample you. There is no threat to your person what so ever, you are hitting clay ducks but instead of a gun with kickback its a glorified laser pointer for $1 - $2. That's fun?

That all being said, I had my moment of weakness with the game a few weeks ago when Katy and I went to NYC for her to sit in a meeting and for me to drink at random bars. At one of these said bars I was going to the bathroom and I noticed that there was a "Safari" edition of Buck Hunter. After scoffing at it I noticed that there was one credit already loaded on the game, and being a person who never turns down things that are free, and apparently a person who changes there opinion on things just because they are now free (so yes give me free things and then I will no longer sneer at you, strong convictions), I decided to give it the good old college try (I have no idea what that means but I wanted to say it). I picked my weapon (having never fired a weapon this was quite simple and random), I picked my prey (always wanted to hunt Elephant, just don't have the few extra grand laying around to pay off an African tribe to tie one up for me to shoot), and I was ready.

Then the machine prompted me for another credit. Like teachers making making 10 question quizzes worth 20 points, this machine made one play worth 2 credits. Why would they do that? Besides making me feel and look like a complete and utter moron I can think of no reasons.

So yes Big Buck Hunter does make me want to shoot things, but four legged animals have no need to be worried.


  1. I had no desire to play either, until Patrick and I were drunk at Punter's and he challenged me to a game.

  2. Big Buck Hunter, especially the Safari edition, is the 2nd best bar game ever invented. Many have been the happy evenings when I will order a double bourbon on the rocks and retire to the wholesale slaughter of pixilated wildlife. Having neither the inclination nor - at least while I'm in Boston, damn gun shy namby pambies - the ability to hunt and kill animals, I like to think of Big Game Hunter as a necessary outlet to my primal hunter-gatherer instincts. I gather whiskey and hunt kudu.

    ps: in case you're wondering, the best bar game ever invented is the punching bas seen at Punter's. Pay a dollar, hit the bag, find out how hard you hit the bag, feel manly... or otherwise.