Friday, March 27, 2009

This Weeks Hefty Helping of Little Grumblings

The Little Grumblings resume today but now on a weekly basis, instead of a daily one. As always the ones that are not witty I did not write.
  • Trent Reznor is giving away free music in FLAC format via torrents. God I love independent artists. @trent_reznor
  • And with that I have given my 2 weeks notice to Borders. AdiĆ³s discount.
  • I love how managers' "suggestions" are so much easier to deal with after you have given your two weeks notice. Such a clear conscience.
  • I need to buy Cocoa Puffs. It is imperative that I do so.
  • Something about "Reality TV Star" in the title of a front page NYTimes obituary irks me. Can't put my finger on it though.
  • I went out to get Coke I came back with beer. Funny how those things happen.
  • I have come to the conclusion that I don't drink enough water, @ 5 AM. I will reevaluate this when my thoughts are coherent.
  • Now if Tukka was the Bruins back up like he should be then this never would have happened
  • Don't get me wrong I like Michael Bloomberg but I don't think I particular care for the Facebook version of him, too talkative.
  • Know whats a bad idea? Calling the ref a "fucking moron". Know whats even more of a bad idea, packing a lip after your ejection in Marino.
  • You are such a silly woman, put the lime in the coconut and drink them both together. Then you feel better.
  • NIN tickets are mine!
  • Mumkin just spent 45 min in the closet, I blame her curiosity which if it wasn't for me could end up killing her.
  • Internet is out again at the apartment, that means I will have to kill again. I know I don't like it either, but it has to happen.
  • Internet issues have been resolved. It may have involved the killing of a nameless Verizon employee, I don't remember, all I saw was red.
  • I wonder how Updike got such a detailed and personal view of a high school slut. And I mean DETAILED.
  • My first and last Polisci classes were taught by the same man. Ironically they were both vague and non-informative.
Get your instant grumblings here.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

It's Easy (but probably not probable) Being Green: Operation Total NAFTA

Here is our ongoing segment known as It's Easy (but probably not probable) Being Green. Which is ripped from a Kermit the Frog song. Again I am not the green energy consulted that also goes by the name Kevin Doyle, I'm just the guy who gets his emails.

Mr. President

In our last report we advised you that in order to secure energy independence for this country you should invade Canada.

We have noticed that the invasion is till in the pre-planning stages. Though we believe that it is imperative that the invasion take place as soon as possible, this does allow for an opportunity to add a second phase to the plan: The Invasion of Mexico.

With the addition of Mexico to the plan we believe the codename for the entire operation be dubbed Operation Total NAFTA, a final act in the play started by the 41st President. Other possible names were: operation "Spanish American War Part Dos" but that left Canada out where as operation "Clean the Attic" only works for Canada and not Mexico.

But enough of this clerical mumbo jumbo sir, I'm going to cut to the quick; Mexico is warm in the winter and the Northern USA is not. Because of that warmth Mexicans do not have to pay for heat (the fact that even if they had to they would not be able to is irrelevant) Americans in northern latitudes unfortunately have to. But by invading Mexico we could create a winter quarters of sorts for all Americans who are forced to heat their homes every year.

Of course in the summer months we would relocate the population back to the northern part of the country (and move the southern part of the country to Canada to save on air conditioning costs). Think of all of this as a mass vacation of sorts to escape the cold (and subsequently the heat).

As for the transportation we figured you can just nationalize the Airline industry a few times a year, I mean they would be more than happy to give up their profits to help America, I'm sure of it.

Monday, March 23, 2009

US-Nigerean Relations

Maduekwe still visible shaken after his meeting with Secretary Clinton

Thanks to the blog Madam Secretary I know (whether I should or should not) exactly what Hillary Clinton is doing at all times. Moments ago she was in a meeting with Ojo Maduekwe, minister of foreign affairs of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. As it happens I was in that same room and here is what transcribed.

Hillary Clinton: Your honor it is a pleasure to finally meet you, you do not know how long I have waited to meet you.

Ojo Maduekwe: (slightly confused) The honor is mine madam, we the people of Nigeria are ecstatic, great word I just learned madam, that you would take an intrest in the oil wars we have been having in the Delta.

HC: Actually your honor this is a matter of personal business, not state business. (instructs everyone to leave the room)

OM: (now terrified, starts looking around the room for the assasin) Madam your husband never had sex with her I.....

HC: (Cutting in) It's about a man from your country named Prince Abdul Mukar who made my campaign a promise that in return for a small fee of $11 million that he needed to properly move his family into exile he would return me a sum of 10x that amount before the end of the US primary season. We have yet to recieve that payment.

OM: (really confused now) Um.....what?