As you may or may not know two weeks ago I decided to resign my position as junior used car salesman at Borders Inc. because of something I like to call "Corporate Differences". Well today was my last day, an uneventful one that resulted in me getting a free drink in the cafe. No not because I donated a bag of beans to the USO but because I somehow have aquired 5 Borders Bucks. Here is my thoughts on my departure.
Things I Will Not Miss:
- "Do you have a Borders Rewards card? Would you like one, it just takes 30 seconds, an email address and it's completely free?"
- The Kid's Section
- Listening to Genilee talk about her cats, her 42348923 nieces and nephews, how she does not want to pass her genetics on, how she can't touch candy because she will pass out, how she is being promoted to a fictional position of "head cashier", why she only drinks Diet Mountain Dew, her response to customers asking how she is which is "awake", her babel about how much product she suckers customers into buying.
- Master Wok
- Heather and that condescending sneer that she gives whenever I ask her a question.
- The T-Mobile sellers
- Finding playboys in the Manga section
- Pep talks on how to get my Borders Rewards numbers up. You know how I got that 70% Borders? I punched in random phone numbers and made fake accounts. And you didn't catch me!
- Joel Olsteen's stupid face
- The Asian guy who always put things on reserve so he could go get money from the ATM but then never came back.
- People who read Twilight. Or as Borders calls them "Twihards".
- Recovering the sex section and having people tell me that "You can really find good books in this section"
- The Big Penis Book
- Telling people they should donate a bag of bean's to the troops so they can drink something good for once. Yes because what we need is shitty Border's coffee running through our soldier's veins as they dodge bullets and get rocket proppelled grenades shot at them. At least they are drinking good coffee.
- Being told that I'm an idiot by customer's who, though they can't read the sign that says "enter line here", are smarter than me.
- Joel Olsteen's Wife's even stupider face.
- Having to place Toni Morrison's books next to books like this.
- Operating registers from the 1980's
- Motown Hits
- Frank Sinatra
- Bruce Springsteen
- My Chemical Romance
- Paul McCartney and the Fireman
- New Bob Dylan
- Robert Plant & Allison Kraus
- Having to explain that why Borders does not have a Biography section.
- Seeing The Shack as the number one best seller.
- Tucker Max
- Telling people to just go buy it on Amazon.
- Explaining why it says "Likely in Store" and not "In Stock" and then providing an example of why it says just that.
Things I Will Miss:
Now the Underling needs to go find a job.......