What I Am Reading: Factotum

The funny thing is I have two more Bukowski books sitting on my shelf. In the latest installment of creepy old men I enjoy reading, we have yet another Charles Bukowski book, Factotum. After Women this is the most recomended book by Bukowski, so I expect great things.

Apparently this was a movie starring Matt Dillon. Now if I were to make a movie based on a Charles Bukowski book, I would not give the role of Henry Chinaski to Johnny Drama's brother. My top five actors would be:

5. Gene Hackman: Gene Hackman has been in just short of 10,000 films and has played every role under the sun AND is in my favorite always on TV movie, The Quick and The Dead. He can play Henry Chinaski better than Matt Dillon.

4. Jack Nicholson: We know he is creepy and we know he enjoys loose woman and booze so fitting into the role of Chinaski would not be too hard. The only problem is at this time in his career what we would get in this movie would be Jack Nicholson living the life of Henry Chinaski. Jack no longer acts, he just screams at Laker games and puts butts in seats.

3. Nicolas Cage: I despise all movie Nicolas Cage except Matchstick Men, which of course is what I am drawing off of. Cage can play a creepy eccentric man, that is the only role he can play besides Nick Cage. As long as he doesn't play Nick Cage in this movie we are ok.

While I'm on the topic George Clooney is the same way, except better looking and we like the role of George Clooney and his Leatherheads and O Brother Where Art Thou persona is not creepy.

2. Casey Affleck: No he isn't a creepy old man, though he has the potential, but if you are going to be making a movie of a young Henry Chinaski, Casey (Not Ben) Affleck is your man. May need a little uglying up and an attempt to tone down the Boston accent but other than that he is awkward enough to fit the bill.

1. John Malkovich: Though I know what Bukowski looks like but John Malkovich is who I picture when I'm reading. He has no problem playing creepy, eccentric, overbearing assholes, just watch Rounders.

As for the cover, like all covers Bukowski it is a good solid cover (and it's not the movie cover mind you) but I still prefer the new covers that have been being made recently and if it was not for the movie we would have had one redone for Factotum.

What I Just Read: A Farewell to Arms

It's a terrible cover, but if you must.

I think the moral here is, you can not judge a man by his novella. Or maybe you can. I believe I enjoyed this book just as much as I enjoyed "The Old Man and the Sea". I left somewhat satisfied but at the same time confused as to what all the hype about Hemingway was about. Maybe I just didn't get it but nothing about A Farewell to Arms was that impressive. I mean I enjoyed it just fine, yes it has flashes of brilliance at points but only just that, flashes.

Hemingway writes well when there is something to write about, in this books it was the war. But he fails to link each well written section with another equally well written section, instead he falls into dialogue that is far from stimulating.

This mostly revolved around the dialogue between the main character and the lead female character; there is just no substance. They talk endlessly for pages upon pages and nothing comes of it, not even any character development. It got to the point where I would see a large block of dialogue between the two of them and I would simply skip over it. The worst part? Katy says all Hemingway women are the same, joy.

Oh and I hated the ending.

The Underlings Guide to the ABC's - Ii

It's been a while (2.5 months) since the letter "H" was given his due so we decided that it was time to give I his time in the spot light so he will finally stop calling me and asking when he can expect to see it.

Well this egotistical, self centered son of a bitch insists on being capitalized every time, without fail, that he is found by himself. Part of that time he looks to appear as though he were a lower case "L". I for one do not approve. I mean who gave him the right? Not I, that is for sure. The word "me" is not capitalized and it has pretty much the exact same meaning. There shall be justice, justice in the form of finishing this entry here and now by me not I. Damn it, I meant not I but me.

This Week's Hefty Helping of Little Grumblings: 4/10 - 4/16

I realize that my previous post was also an aggregation of the last week's Tweets, for the fact that they now share each others cooties I am deeply sorry. But in my defense I have been busy with work, papers, finals, the return of a girlfriend from a foreign land and this thing called springtime. I hope to bring you something next week, but I can promise nothing, I hope you understand. Until then here is this weeks little grumblings. Enjoy.

And as always the ones that are not witty I did not write.

• Ummmm I am beyond infuriated right now. twurl.nl/egkxn5 (this tweet and the next few tweets were in reference to the drastic cuts proposed by the MBTA in order for them to meet their budget deficit. Yes I understand that this is a scare tactic, I am a polisci major after all, but the fact that they are threatening cuts at all and not focusing on paring back benefits and firing those who got us into this mess is appalling.)
  
• Some of these comments on the T service cuts are great: "So are we planning on legalizing drunk driving so Sox fans can get home?"
• "I travelled all over the world and consider the public transit systems in some 3rd world countries to be superior than the T" I vote Cairo.
• "I can't tell you how much money I dumped into cabs because I missed the 12:30 AM train."
• "What are all those lazy BU students going to do when those stops on the B line 100 feet from each other are closed?" Oh and Fuck BU. (On the topic of BU I would like to say to all of you people who root for simply the "Boston" schools in college sports do not use that argument with a BC, BU or Northeastern student. This is like Yankees/Red Sox, UNC/Duke to us, we hate each other and the fact that you can root for one or the other just because of the location is a ghastly and indefensible thought to us all.)
  
• "The T's like my deadbeat best friend. You can't stand him, he asks WAY too much of you, but you just can't do without the comedic relief."
• "Massachusetts = Connecticut" That is without the standard of living they enjoy.
• Cut public transport + We all buy cars + Install $10 tolls every mile on every road in MA = Mass Master Plan
• If I can't sleep at night then my cat will not sleep during the day. That will teach her not to play with bottle caps on tile for 2 hours...
  
• I just used the word "fashionista" in a paper for the first time. The feeling I got from typing it was far less exhilarating than I thought. (This paper ended up not being due for another week, fashionista will probably be edit ted out upon further review)
  
• Judging by the amount of people here today about 1/3 of my Global Climate Change class has not been attending regularly this semester.
• Climate Change Prof: "US not joining Kyoto was reasonable because of the non-participation by China and India." I like this guy. (Stemming from this I had a debate with Daniel who is of the opinion that the US not signing Kyoto was a missed opportunity on our part to show the world that we mean business. Though I agree that such a signing would have shown the world that we meant business and I am saddened that we did not seriously propose a different plan, I believe that had we signed Kyoto all that would have resulted would have been a greater loss of jobs and industry on the part of the US to China and India, a hit to the economy as well as no actual effect on the Climate what so ever [not to mention the ratification by the sentence would not have happened with the lobbying of Unions on democrats and the lobbying of big business on Republicans]. What needs to happen is a gradual easing into restriction on CO2 and other green house gases in order to not cause a backlash by the American public.)
  
• Spanish Prof: "I'm glad to see someone doesn't like me and wants me fired."
• Spanish Prof: "If I don't correct this final you will all fail"
• Jack Sparrow is not going away anytime soon. twurl.nl/0gutar (Pirates are fun news stories because no one can keep the article serious thanks to the romanticism of pirates by Hollywood)
  
• Dear FB Friend-finder: If I didn't friend them the first time or even the second time, I'm not going to friend them the next 5 times either.
• PS I don't like Taylor Swift or Usher if I did they would be in my "Favorite Music" section you had me fill out all ready.
• Fairly certain that when a group of protesters throw Molotov cocktails at troops with rifles that they are pretty pissed off about something. (This was in reference to the protests happening in Thailand right now for which I read the line "Protesters throwing Molotov cocktails were met with heavy resistance by troops armed with automatic rifles" in a NYT article. Got me thinking, what on earth would motivate me to throw a bottle of flaming gasoline at a man with a very large gun? Now you have to take into effect that I can not throw very far and that a trained police officer can hit a target from a good distance. With that being said I do not think anything short of my life or the life of the people I love being threatened would cause me to put myself at such a risk. Which leads me to believe that anyone who throws a Molotov Cocktail clearly has some valid concerns and you should probably sit down and discuss them.)
  
• In professor Portz's defense it's hard to issue a grade for a presentation that he was not awake for.
• "Sent at 4:26 AM: Your time sheet is delinquent. Please complete it and submit it immediately." Gene you workaholic you. (One of my bosses for Intramural Sports and Northeastern, he likes collecting rare coins and apparently doing payroll at the wee hours of the morning)
  
• Yes he hit you, I saw that, but what made you think it was OK to punch him in the face? (There was an incident in the Roller Hockey Championship which involved a player taking matters into his own hands and laying a kid out, the kid who was placed on the floor in such a physical manner decided to retaliate by throwing his hands at the back of the other players head. Now I get that it was a chump move to hit the kid and yes I may have beat the shit out of the kid if it had been me but what I don't get is how the players think I should not call it a penalty. If I let the game go on someone will kill that boy!)
  
• Minor freak-out when I saw "Subway" charges on my CC. Thought I was sleep-eating shitty food. No it was just overpriced public transport.
• Why does one need an assault rifle? It's called "hunting" not "assaulting".
• is not bored enough to rate his five favorite cheeses, but thanks for asking Facebook.
• I don't care if he is real or not. RT @Steve_Buscemi: is definitely an assman...you're either an assman or a dumbass man.
• Butterscotch, Cafe Latte or Vanilla? Oh and I like saying Vanilla with a Spanish accent.
• When I was a robber, in Boston Place! (Anthology version of Hey Jude, just listen to it)
  
• Me: United is going to charge fat people twice to fly. Katy: Good I hate flying next to fat people. twurl.nl/ferz5n
• We need to develop a way to transfer information to one's brain. I want to learn Spanish in a matter of minutes like Neo learns Kung Fu. (I did not do well on my Spanish test btw)
  
• I have been saying Texas should secede for years! Why when someone who likes Texas says it is it a valid argument?
• John Madden is gone, now if only we could get rid of Joe Morgan....
• One question, what IS the redneck solution? RT @trent_reznor: Making sure you cant feel TOO good about being American bit.ly/4liRrV
• Go ahead and try Texas, but in the end I think you might prefer to pay the taxes. twurl.nl/ba4oxt
• Having jeans with holes in them does not make you look cool, it makes you look poor. Though it does make you sound saint like.
• I hate tests
• "FOXNEWS RATINGS SURGE ON PROTEST COVERAGE" Drudge headline, and we wonder why Fox news is not a credible news source. (It was a political ruse on the part of Republicans to make it look like people are angry about taxes on the rich that are in fact lower than when Ronald Reagan was President, non-story)
  

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This Weeks Hefty Helping of Little Grumblings: 4/3 - 4/9

This week we here at Grumbling of an Underling are changing things up a bit. What's going to happen is that the little grumblings will be fed steroids once a week, meaning that most of the little grumblings will come with extra thoughts (marked in read) and a link or two. The reasons for this are: 1. I started using Twitter to publish quick thoughts that I might expand on later, this is my actually implementing the second part of that, 2. Katy came home Monday night and because of that I have not been writing which leads in to 3. Classes are ending, Easter is here and I won't have time to write and I feel bad giving you just Tweets that I have already posted on Twitter.

That being said I plan on continuing this each week and if there is a better format than posting my extra thoughts in read leave it in the comment section. Enjoy.

And as always the ones that are not witty I did not write.

• I was stupid in thinking that there would be no line at Umberto's at noon. Shame on me, I should know better. (Galleria Umberto's is the best place for lunch, and no I will not take your questions or comments)
  
• I would have had my own personal backstage "tour" of the moe. set if I had only not looked confused as to where the box office was. Damn. (Confession, I don't listen to moe.)
  
• 1 Shift remaining
• I am no longer employed by Borders Inc. (More on this here)
  
• Opens Door:"Wow it smells nice in here........aww shit I left the candle burning all day again!" Luckily I had an apartment to come home to. (I did this again two days later)
  
• Kevin thinks he is getting sick, his solution? Mac and Cheese.
• How does one seek sanctions against a country that's biggest business is making homemade rockets? (At what point do we say enough is enough in regards to North Korea, and no I do not mean bomb the shit out of them because we all know you can't draw blood from a stone. What I mean is why don't we just ignore them, they shoot off a rocket that fails miserably we act like nothing happened. Until they pull something off that works North Korea is dead to me, you hear me? DEAD!)
  
• Seth Rogan can't act. He can giggle, Mumble thoughts to himself and shout about his feelings to others. It must be the hair. (Thanks to Bill Simmons and his explanation that all Romantic Comedies follow the same basic plot line [funny parts - the romantic problem - the dramatic reunion - less funny parts] Zach and Miri Make a Porno was the first of many romantic comedies that I will not be able to enjoy.)
  
• New personal record 48.6 MPG. (I deliberately stayed below 15 MPH for the last part of my ride back to the lot just so the gas motor would not engage. Why? I have not idea)
  
• "Family Size" Cheez-It box? More like "Kevin Size" Cheez-It Box.
• Who when Coke is on sale for 10 for $10 actually buys 10? This guy.
• God do I love All Girl Swedish Rock bands. Jens has been replaced in the "will travel anywhere to see perform" category by Sahara Hotnights
• If Panda's are too stupid to procreate why are we trying to save them? Charles Darwin is rolling over in his grave right now. ("Cute & Cuddly" is not a valid argument)
  
• If action movies have taught me anything it is not to press the red button. Then why did I just press the red button on my security system?
• Where is my neighbor going at 5 AM? Better question: Why am I awake? (Our neighbor is an enigma, it is known that she owns both a red jacket and a lighter green jackeyt, she comes and goes at all hours of the day and night, occasionally has small children over, and cooks heavily spice laden food. All this is known from looking through the peep hole.)
  
• You can't record a hip-hop song, put guitar and drums to it and then call it Rock. I'm looking at you Lil Wayne.
• I shave because I have to, not because I want to.
  
• After this Sunday I see no reason why I should shave. This could be bad. (Katy has since informed me that such a policy shift towards shaving would be detrimental to my administration on other fronts.)
  
• Climate Change Prof: People who buy Hybrids hardly ever recoup the premium they paid for them in the first place.
• Climate Change Prof: The benefits of installing solar panels in your home is negligible if not a negative.
• My climate change professor = Debbie Downer
• Green Peace guy, I get it u want my $ to stop baby seal clubbing. What u don't know is that that $ went towards the purchase of a seal club.
• Dear NBA Executives, I have since declared myself eligible for the NBA draft. (Why can't I opt out of the rest of my college career and get paid millions of dollars to play basketball. Yes I am a terrible basketball player but the point is I have paid, or will pay, for my education and I will not be awarded a multi-million dollar contract. Not fair, and don't give me that life is not fair bullshit because I know it isn't but I still can grippe about it on the internet.)
  
• Tostitos "Now with 20% more!" Yeah, 5% more chips and 15% more air.
• Kevin will learn the piano this summer. Crisis averted. (You can thank Ben Folds)
  
• Apparently as a blogger I don't have to backup my claims factual evidence. So all those justifications for the invasion of Canada were 4 not.
• "with" is the key word missing from that last tweet. You figure out where it goes
• Screen-Dropping: (v) The act of observing the computer activity of an individual in front of you. "I was screen-dropping her buying shoes"
• Using a big word in a sentence & then explaining that word in the same breath makes you a condescending asshole. "the nadir, the bottom...."
• 24 hour news networks make for gutless, boring, fake political candidates and makes their mistakes 6 years down the road even more shocking.
• Tweet Deck, if you don't have it I suggest you get it. tweetdeck.com
• I wish I loved life as much as the keyboardist from The Faint does. (Let's just say his chief concern for the night was not playing the keyboard)
  
• Climate change Prof: "Your fridge will be connected to the Internet and will be controlled by the power company server" Oh the possibilities
• Climate Change Prof: "Driving on your cell phone, even with a hands free device. = Driving drunk"
• North Korea has a Parliament? Why?
• New Rule: You can't complain about me not reffing a game seriously when you don't take it serious enough to show up to your games.

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So Long and Thanks for All the Books

I worked at Borders for 10 months and all I got was this stupid name tag.

As you may or may not know two weeks ago I decided to resign my position as junior used car salesman at Borders Inc. because of something I like to call "Corporate Differences". Well today was my last day, an uneventful one that resulted in me getting a free drink in the cafe. No not because I donated a bag of beans to the USO but because I somehow have aquired 5 Borders Bucks. Here is my thoughts on my departure.

Things I Will Not Miss:

• "Do you have a Borders Rewards card? Would you like one, it just takes 30 seconds, an email address and it's completely free?"
• The Kid's Section
• Listening to Genilee talk about her cats, her 42348923 nieces and nephews, how she does not want to pass her genetics on, how she can't touch candy because she will pass out, how she is being promoted to a fictional position of "head cashier", why she only drinks Diet Mountain Dew, her response to customers asking how she is which is "awake", her babel about how much product she suckers customers into buying.
• Master Wok
  
• Heather and that condescending sneer that she gives whenever I ask her a question.
• The T-Mobile sellers
• Finding playboys in the Manga section
• Pep talks on how to get my Borders Rewards numbers up. You know how I got that 70% Borders? I punched in random phone numbers and made fake accounts. And you didn't catch me!
• Joel Olsteen's stupid face
  
• The Asian guy who always put things on reserve so he could go get money from the ATM but then never came back.
• People who read Twilight. Or as Borders calls them "Twihards".
• Recovering the sex section and having people tell me that "You can really find good books in this section"
• The Big Penis Book
• Telling people they should donate a bag of bean's to the troops so they can drink something good for once. Yes because what we need is shitty Border's coffee running through our soldier's veins as they dodge bullets and get rocket proppelled grenades shot at them. At least they are drinking good coffee.
  
• Being told that I'm an idiot by customer's who, though they can't read the sign that says "enter line here", are smarter than me.
  
• Joel Olsteen's Wife's even stupider face.
• Having to place Toni Morrison's books next to books like this.
• Operating registers from the 1980's
• U2
• Motown Hits
• Frank Sinatra
• Bruce Springsteen
  
• My Chemical Romance
• Paul McCartney and the Fireman
• New Bob Dylan
• Robert Plant & Allison Kraus
• Having to explain that why Borders does not have a Biography section.
• Seeing The Shack as the number one best seller.
• Tucker Max
• Telling people to just go buy it on Amazon.
• Explaining why it says "Likely in Store" and not "In Stock" and then providing an example of why it says just that.
  

Things I Will Miss:

• My discount.

Now the Underling needs to go find a job.......

This Weeks Hefty Helping of Little Grumblings

Here is this weeks hefty helping of Little Grumblings, enjoy. And as always the ones that are not witty I did not write.

• Why I don't follow NCAA Basketball; because I end up getting hit in the head with a ball while checking scores. I knew there was a reason.
• 4 shifts left.
• Borders Gift to our troops: Have people buy bags of coffee for $10 then donate it to the troops for a free drink in the cafe. So glad I quit
• I just bought a coke and upon taking a sip I realized it was coke zero. Balls.
• 3 shifts left
• I look ridiculous: Hoody, windbreaker, sweatpants, and sandals. However it seems appropriate in Boston.
• Jens Lekman will be touring the US this year. Looks like I won't have to be traveling to Iceland after all...
• 2 shifts left
• OK NYT I get it you have a global edition now get rid of that stupid yellow banner at the top.
• There are 5 classes left in Contemporary Black Politics and we just started talking about contemporary black politics. Beyond frustrated.
• I have heard Ents referenced in class twice today.
• Hitting shuffle on a 112 GB music library can create some interesting back to back combinations. Example: DMX & Bright Eyes. Tour? No?
• I just got a an online security question that prompted me to enter "Army" and "Tillman" into the same box. Speechless. bit.ly/PMU9
• I would like to replace "Speechless" in my last tweet with "Flabbergasted". Thank you.
• I like how my letting the hairdresser put product in my hair made her visibly giddy. All I could think about was washing it out 15 min later
• NU Moron: "I thought it was time" Barber: "Time to razor half your hair and leave the top untouched? How could it ever be time for that?"
• Dear Mr. Chavez: Defending a homicidal maniac by calling your nemesis a homicidal maniac does not count as an argument.
• I thought it was a well known fact that dirty hippies use a specific body wash to get that scent of BO and Weed. @LucyFitzgerald
• Is it dirty or would they just consider it the natural state of man; drunk, high, a potent smell and endless jamming? @LucyFitzgerald
• I think I should stop before I go and delete my whole blog by accident. No you can't convince me to to stay, I see your real motives.
• My Professor's take on my Spanish test and my Spanish speaking abilities: "This is Spitalian!"
• Dear White American Male Forefathers: I no longer want to be blamed for your transgressions. I will now be considered an Off-White Am Male
• I feel there is something fundamentally wrong when I buy my milk at Whole Foods only for the purpose of making Kraft Mac and Cheese.
• New air-freshener: Franks Red Hot + Stove Top Burner

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It's Easy (but probably not probable) Being Green: Sailcar

Here is our ongoing segment known as It's Easy (but probably not probable) Being Green. Which is ripped from a Kermit the Frog song. Again I am not the green energy consulted that also goes by the name Kevin Doyle, I'm just the guy who gets his emails.

Mr. President

As a result of your rejection of last weeks plan to invade both Canada and Mexico on the grounds that stealing their oil and then using their homelands as vacation spots does not constitute itself as Green Energy we have come up with a new plan that involves no military involvement what so ever. Sailing cars.

It is quite simple really, we take cars and make them work like sailboats on land. Easy concept.

The advantages of a sailing car would be enormous, especially in very windy cities. It would also be a boon to the ailing sail market as well as spur a whole new generation of sailors which is something we need in order to take back The America's Cup. Damn Swiss and their landlocked country.....

And unlike ideas such as ethanol cars, hybrids and nuclear powered vehicles anyone with a regular car can retrofit it to work as a sail powered vehicle at a small price that we think the government should finance.

There are of course downsides,

1. Useless in areas of the country that get very little wind (we are currently developing a technique that incorporates oars for no-wind situations)
2. Unable to outrun tornadoes
3. Requires roads a mile wide to allow for tacking in head wind conditions
4. Silly sailor outfits would proliferate
5. Engine vs Sail style Road Rage.

All workable problems for sure, I just bring them to your attention so we can put your experts on the case to figure them out.

No sir I'm not an expert.

What am I? I'm just a guy who gets mistaken as a green energy expert and subsequently gets a lot of emails with invites to Green Energy conferences.

Of course I'm not qualified to speak .

Don't blame me! You are the one who let me in here!

Wait, hold on! Hey get your god damn hands of of me!

:Scuffling noises:

Mr, President! Mr. President! Rahm!!!!!

What I Am Reading: A Farewell to Arms

Eh it was ok, review here.

Not to be confused with Hemenway St. Ernest Hemingway is the author of small book we all know and claim as one of the best books we read in High School (judging by the size it's hard to see why that is) that book being The Old Man and the Sea.

Surprisingly that is not the only book Mr. Hemingway wrote, there appears to be countless others since and before then. One of which I happen to be reading now, A Farewell to Arms which takes place during World War I which was ironically known as "The War to end all Wars." You didn't really need to know that, I just thought you might enjoy it. If you didn't then you probably should not be reading this blog, it's full of useless things like that.

Before we get to the cover I would like to point out ways that Hemingway is connected to my life:

• He is Katy's favorite author (A Farewell to Arms is also her favorite book) which only perpetuates her fascination with creepy old men. I still don't quite understand why she likes me though.
• My cat is known as a Hemingway cat because of her extra toes, a type of cat that can only be found in Key West, New England and parts of Europe. All places Hemingway spent time drinking, enjoying the company of many women, writing and apparently breeding 6 toed cats.

There is not one Hemingway book in print that has a good cover. I implore you to find one, and if you can't I beg you to make one and break a few copyright laws in the process.

What I Just Read: The Good Citizen

The Underling doesn't like the cover but why take our word for it read him say it !

Well I sort of read this book, I skimmed it over, read the bolded headings and words that made me feel like I was reading a text book and then came to this conclusion the same conclusion I came to before: Where does an old guy get off telling me what my generation is like? All he has is numbers taken from a survey that only has relevance if his respondents are telling the truth, and who wouldn't say they like to do good?

I do see his point that less people vote today, but more people do volunteer. Why is that possible? Because America went through a very good economic time period in the in 90's which left many Americans with money to spend on their childrens education and to give them as spending money (also we developed a credit card culture which allows people to go in to debt with out having to work). Result: Children who go to college on their parents dime and don't have to work while in school. What do they do with their free time? Well the noble ones volunteer but not as many as Mr. Dalton would want us to think.

Only a fraction of students volunteer and they all tend to be the same people, I know plenty of college students who only volunteered in high school because it was a requirement to graduate. But that's neither here nor there. Just as what will happen to all those volunteers when they have to start making money to pay for their schooling because the credit market fell apart.

My real gripe with Dalton is him saying voting is not that big of a deal anymore because we all volunteer and are a bunch of do-gooders. I have a fundamental problem with people who complain about leadership and then tacitly support it by not voting. Yes I understand volunteering is like protest and I am all for protest but don't complain about the system and do nothing to change it. The US government is too large and too powerful to work outside of and eventually you are going to but heads with it if you try, so atleast go in and vote for yourself or maybe a third part candidate.

Ok I'm done complaining. For the indefinite future I will only be reading books I choose to read because unfortunatly Capstone is coming to a close.

Maybe I will go read Lennon........

"Recomendations" + Poor Children + The Homeless + Soldiers = 2 Weeks

I have been meaning to post this for about a week and a half now but for one reason or another I have not, sorry.

So I quit my job. Borders to be specific. I know, no more discount on books, how could I? Here's how:

Since I started working at Borders the company has been shifting it's Customer Service in store staff towards being salesmen, are new name was "bookseller". With the downturn of the economy and the retention of bankruptcy lawyers on the part of Borders they really started to tightening the screws on the entire staff to start "urging" customers to buy a specific product.

Before I went to Egypt I could handle the little bits of pressure the managers put on me and I would just shrug it off and move on with my day. Upon my return things were a little different.

What confronted me was a sign that said if any employee failed to great and "recommend" a product to every customer within 10 feet of them they would be terminated. On top of that we would each be graded for every CSI (those surveys the ask you to fill out over the phone at the register) that is issued during our shift. As well as we would be graded by a manager and asked to sign off on said grade each shift. Not to mention there are four specific products that we are supposed to be "intimate" with so we can better "recommended" them to customers (last week they were a stuffed bunny, a medical narrative about a woman with cancer, some random harcover novel about a Chinese love story, and the new Jodi Piccoult book. If I had my way I would reccomend they don't buy those things).

Throw on top of that our "charities" that we run at the register which include a stuffed bunny you can buy for $6 that we take all the profits from and then donate to the Salvation army, or the book drive that requires you to by a specific book from us that we again take the profit from and then donate at your behest, OR (my favorite) you can buy a bag of coffee beans from us for $10 and donate it to the troops oversees for which we get all the profit and you can have a free drink from our cafe.

Because you know if there is one thing our servicemen and women need in Iraq and Afghanistan it's to be hooked on bad coffee. Here's a real charity, how about we start taking money that goes to buying them more body armor or maybe to help disabled veterans recover from injuries such as missing extremities or PTSD. Preying on peoples emotions with poor children, the homeless and soldiers just to make a buck. Fuck You Borders for making me feel guilty every time I process a transaction. Shame on you.

And all this in a time of economic recession.

For those reasons I gave my two weeks notice on Saturday March 21st, and for that reason all my co-workers (some managers included) gave me congratulations. Just a little something Borders, when your employees congratulate each other about being able to quit the company it means you are doing something wrong.

What I Just Read: rabbit, run

For the brief but wondrous thoughts on the cover go here.

Let's get one thing straight I hate Rabbit; no not the cute furry animal, I am talking about the non-committal, selfish and just all around simple minded character in John Updike's well written book rabbit, run.

To be honest I thought it was a well written book, John Updike is very talented when it comes to character development and switching point of view mid scene, and hell everyone loves some good stream of consciousness. But I don't think by the end of this book I have hated any character as much as I hate Rabbit. Except, of course, Holden Caulfield from Catcher in the Rye, and don't act like you don't know who or what I'm talking about because there is no way you haven't read Catcher in the Rye because everyone who likes to read has read Catcher in the Rye because Catcher in the Rye is everyone's favorite book and is definitely worth recommending every time someone tells you they like to read.

Did I mention I hate that book? All I wanted to do the whole time was climb through the book, slap Holden across the face, watch him cry and then drag him back to his parents and give him a time out. I get it, you don't become an adult because you want to be an adult you become an adult because it is time to be an adult, you rise to the occasion, and you don't get to pick when that occasion happens. So yeah, you probably really like that book because in some way you can relate, but just because everyone can relate to something doesn't make it a good book. Sort of like when your favorite movie is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. On second thought I don't need to give you two reasons to stop reading my blog.

Moving on!

Updike has three more books in his series on Rabbit and I don't know if I want to conitue reading them or not. On one hand Rabbit infuriates me so much that I want to throw things but on the other Updike writes well and I do enjoy the book for the most part. Regardless I can't find a copy as of right now so it may be a while until I have to come to a real decision.

Oh and for the record I did get looks for reading this book, or at least I think I did, I'm not sure. On second thought I may have been inventing those looks that the homeless guy was giving me that I took as anti-snobbery looks, but that might be for other reasons, I mean he is homeless.

This Weeks Hefty Helping of Little Grumblings

The Little Grumblings resume today but now on a weekly basis, instead of a daily one. As always the ones that are not witty I did not write.

• Trent Reznor is giving away free music in FLAC format via torrents. God I love independent artists. @trent_reznor
• And with that I have given my 2 weeks notice to Borders. Adiós discount.
• I love how managers' "suggestions" are so much easier to deal with after you have given your two weeks notice. Such a clear conscience.
• I need to buy Cocoa Puffs. It is imperative that I do so.
• Something about "Reality TV Star" in the title of a front page NYTimes obituary irks me. Can't put my finger on it though.
• I went out to get Coke I came back with beer. Funny how those things happen.
• I have come to the conclusion that I don't drink enough water, @ 5 AM. I will reevaluate this when my thoughts are coherent.
• Now if Tukka was the Bruins back up like he should be then this never would have happened tinyurl.com/csjbvy
• Don't get me wrong I like Michael Bloomberg but I don't think I particular care for the Facebook version of him, too talkative.
• Know whats a bad idea? Calling the ref a "fucking moron". Know whats even more of a bad idea, packing a lip after your ejection in Marino.
• You are such a silly woman, put the lime in the coconut and drink them both together. Then you feel better.
• NIN tickets are mine!
• Mumkin just spent 45 min in the closet, I blame her curiosity which if it wasn't for me could end up killing her.
• Internet is out again at the apartment, that means I will have to kill again. I know I don't like it either, but it has to happen.
• Internet issues have been resolved. It may have involved the killing of a nameless Verizon employee, I don't remember, all I saw was red.
• I wonder how Updike got such a detailed and personal view of a high school slut. And I mean DETAILED.
• My first and last Polisci classes were taught by the same man. Ironically they were both vague and non-informative.

Get your instant grumblings here.

It's Easy (but probably not probable) Being Green: Operation Total NAFTA

Here is our ongoing segment known as It's Easy (but probably not probable) Being Green. Which is ripped from a Kermit the Frog song. Again I am not the green energy consulted that also goes by the name Kevin Doyle, I'm just the guy who gets his emails.

Mr. President

In our last report we advised you that in order to secure energy independence for this country you should invade Canada.

We have noticed that the invasion is till in the pre-planning stages. Though we believe that it is imperative that the invasion take place as soon as possible, this does allow for an opportunity to add a second phase to the plan: The Invasion of Mexico.

With the addition of Mexico to the plan we believe the codename for the entire operation be dubbed Operation Total NAFTA, a final act in the play started by the 41st President. Other possible names were: operation "Spanish American War Part Dos" but that left Canada out where as operation "Clean the Attic" only works for Canada and not Mexico.

But enough of this clerical mumbo jumbo sir, I'm going to cut to the quick; Mexico is warm in the winter and the Northern USA is not. Because of that warmth Mexicans do not have to pay for heat (the fact that even if they had to they would not be able to is irrelevant) Americans in northern latitudes unfortunately have to. But by invading Mexico we could create a winter quarters of sorts for all Americans who are forced to heat their homes every year.

Of course in the summer months we would relocate the population back to the northern part of the country (and move the southern part of the country to Canada to save on air conditioning costs). Think of all of this as a mass vacation of sorts to escape the cold (and subsequently the heat).

As for the transportation we figured you can just nationalize the Airline industry a few times a year, I mean they would be more than happy to give up their profits to help America, I'm sure of it.

US-Nigerean Relations

Maduekwe still visible shaken after his meeting with Secretary Clinton

Thanks to the blog Madam Secretary I know (whether I should or should not) exactly what Hillary Clinton is doing at all times. Moments ago she was in a meeting with Ojo Maduekwe, minister of foreign affairs of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. As it happens I was in that same room and here is what transcribed.

Hillary Clinton: Your honor it is a pleasure to finally meet you, you do not know how long I have waited to meet you.

Ojo Maduekwe: (slightly confused) The honor is mine madam, we the people of Nigeria are ecstatic, great word I just learned madam, that you would take an intrest in the oil wars we have been having in the Delta.

HC: Actually your honor this is a matter of personal business, not state business. (instructs everyone to leave the room)

OM: (now terrified, starts looking around the room for the assasin) Madam your husband never had sex with her I.....

HC: (Cutting in) It's about a man from your country named Prince Abdul Mukar who made my campaign a promise that in return for a small fee of $11 million that he needed to properly move his family into exile he would return me a sum of 10x that amount before the end of the US primary season. We have yet to recieve that payment.

OM: (really confused now) Um.....what?