What I Just Read: The Painted Bird

Thanks to two 4+ hour bus rides and 2 hours to myself in Central Park I finished this book in one day, the actual finishing happened somewhere in Central Connecticut on a dimly lit bus.

The Painted Bird by Jerzy Kosinski is a story of a young boy, who through his parent-less wanderings through Eastern Europe witnesses and befalls unspeakable (though not to him) attrocities at the hands of the local village populations. Reminded me a lot of Night by Elie Wiesel (in the fact that it was a story about the atrocities of WWII through the eyes of a child).

The stories in the painted bird are meant to be shocking and gut wrenching but to me his words had very little effect on me. The scenes he depicts were just that to me, scenes. I do not disagree that rapings, beatings and torture are horrific and indefensible acts but having not felt any of the effects of such actions. I think that may have been why I was surprised, partially due to Katy's reaction to the book, at how it was not as graphic as I thought it would be.

On the whole I enjoyed the book, in large part to the changes in the main characters thought process through out the book. Much like A Long Way Gone by Ishmael Beah who reflects on the mental toll that war and soldiering during his childhood had on him the painted bird talks about how adult events such as war, sex and torture are damaging to children.

To put it bluntly the design of this book is terrible in almost every way possible. For starters orange, purple and gray are not colors that work well together, and when you lay them on top of one another they really hurt the eyes.

The bird on the cover looks like someone used MS Paint (ha Painted Bird get it?) to put it on there. As a matter of fact this whole cover looks like it was put together in MS Paint by an Elementary School kid. The fact that it was made some time in the 60's or 70's is no excuse they should have updated it by now.

On the inside the words are smooshed together while leaving an inch for the margins. My question is why not give more spacing for the words or make the book smaller as a whole?

Next up is Lullaby by Chuck Palahniuk. Last time I came in contact with something associated with Mr. Palahniuk was Fight Club (the movie not the book), just as the title credits were beginning I was told the whole plot of the movie. Now as a warning, if you know what happens in this book and you somehow bring it to my attention before I finish, I will kill you.

What I Just Read: An Arsonist's Guide To Writers' Homes In New England

Winner of the longest title of the year award.

Seeing as how I no longer have to write silly English papers and I am no longer required to know Spanish I thought I might read a few things of my choosing. That is of course until I start school again on Monday which includes Logic and The History of Boston, which may prove to be some interesting reading in itself. To the book!

An Arsonist's Guide To Writers' Homes In New England is one of the books that you are on the fence about until you come to the climatic scene and then the book is abruptly over. For the majority of the book I found myself struggling to pay attention and wanting to jump over paragraphs the author dedicated to stories the main character thought were the life stories of total stranger. While some were incredibly entertaining others were woefully drawn out and were simply delaying the inevitable ending of the book.

The book reminded me of Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close in the way that narrator is very simple minded and the reader tends to understand what is going on before the narrator does. The problem is in Loud & Close the narrator is a child and in Arsonist's he is a grown man, or as the narrator likes to say a grown ass man.

Good book, with a different take it could have been great. Not a must read but a good one no less.

I like the cover, for one it takes balls to go with an orange cover ( I would say as much balls as it took for me to wear a bright orange shirt to school once a week in 8th grade but I think that was more stupidity than anything else) and second the burning lady (not once, not twice but three times) was a nice touch. What I didn't like is the lighter orange around the title letters, too far man.

After much internal deliberation I have decided to forgo Daniel's favorite author Murakami and the beautiful looking Lullaby by Palahniuk for now in lieu of the more jarring book The Painted Bird by Jerzy Kosinski. As I understand it is very doable and desirable to read in a day; and seeing as how I have about 6 hours of bus riding tomorrow (to and from NYC) I like those qualities.

What I Just Read: American Gods

Before we get into the book just an overall formatting change of how I am going to approach books from now on. Why I thought you needed two posts per book I have no idea, so I am no longer going to give you the book cover review and my thoughts going into the book. Instead I am going to lump them in with the review after the book, the result being one large post on; my thoughts going into the book, the cover, and my overall review.

I know what you are thinking "How will we know what you are reading?!?!?!" do not worry yourself about that, I will still continue to give John Lennon a frined in the What I Am Currently Reading list in the left hand column but instead of linking to a post it will link to the Wikipedia page of the book or the author. That being said there may be a spoiler in the at link, so consider this your spoiler alert.

Again for those of you who were not reading:

CONSIDER THIS YOUR SPOILER ALERT FOR ALL LINKS UNDER "WHAT I AM CURRENTLY READING"!!!!!

If you are like 99.9% of the people on the planet and have no desire to be updated about what books I am reading and what my opinions are then I apologize for the last couple paragraphs.

Anyway on with the show.

Katy loves Neil Gaiman, so much so that when she found through his Twitter (his tweets are the reason she is on Twitter in the first place) that he was just down the street enjoying some museum time with his girl friend Amanda Palmer (or as she calls herself Amanda Fucking Palmer) she almost ran out the door.

Speaking of Neil Gaiman's girlfriend Amanda Palmer (twitter handle: @amandapalmer) Katy and I each won tickets to her secret show in Cambridge via Twitter. The show was more than enjoyable, and even if you do not care for her music her personality more than makes up for it. This show, being no more than 200 people there, was all request with her staple "Ask Amanda" segment being mixed in. "Ask Amanda" involves the audience submitting a bunch of questions and Amanda picking a few to answer. Let's just say one question lead to us knowing which boob Neil Gaiman prefers (the left one) and the name of her boobs' musical act "Titter and the Plus One's".

Anyway the point is Katy loves Neil Gaiman and because of that she made me read his book American Gods. Now yes Katy is slightly crazy and her recent choices of audio books have been a little suspect (the ones that involve vampires) but her past recommendations have been spot on (Lolita, Everything Is Illuminated, The Corrections ) so I was not all that worried.

I would like to say that I very rarely shut out the rest of the world in order to read a book. I believe all of the Harry Potter series and Dune were the only books to invoke that trait of mine. American Gods showed shades of that which involved me angering Katy by reading at the dinner table (though I must say she had been on my case to read it for months and then she gets mad when I put it down?). What I am trying to say is, I enjoyed it. Thoroughly.

Then again it is hard to imagine not enjoying a book that takes Gods from all over the world and gives them human traits such as greed, alcoholism, lust and anger, among others. Besides that there is not much I can say that will not spoil the story, other than that Mr. Gaiman writes with the ability of a classic Sci-Fi/Fantasy writer but in a modern day and adult fashion, if that makes sense. Just read the book, you will enjoy it, and if you don't enjoy it then you have no soul.

As for the cover, it is a decent cover, nothing jaw dropping about it but it suits it's purpose. At first you pass you wonder what it has to do with Gods. After reading it you wonder why that house? To which I tell you it's a stock photo from Getty Images.

Next book up is An Arsonist's Guide To Writers' Homes In New England by Brock Clarke, yes it's a novel and not an actual guide to burn by. Came highly recommended by a few people, I will report back when I inevetably finish it, that is of course unless you are a book about John Lennon.

New BANNER!!!!!!!!

There is a new banner above. It's funny. You should sit there and chuckle to yourself for a few moments. Not too long though, because that might be considered a bit creepy.

For the original photo, and how it was created, check out Katy's blog for the details

What I Just Read: The Discomfort Zone

Sorry, I've been busy. And when I am busy you the reader suffer. For that I apologize. That being said the situation will not be getting better anytime soon. That being said it will get better one random day when I decide I need to post 3 things I want you to know about it. That being said here is the review of The Discomfort Zone by Jonathan Franzen. That being said, enjoy.

Long, long ago, in a blog post slightly below this one there is a book cover review.

The Corrections were great because the story was ridiculous. The story opens up with pages dedicated to comparing Enid's need to hide mail from Alfred with guerrilla warfare. The later part of the book takes places in Lithuania and a military coup. It was hilarious because it was ridiculous.

Jonathan Franzen's real life, though funny at points is unfortunately not as ridiculous as his fictitious family life is in The Corrections. The book is broken down into anecdotal stories from his early years and one around his present self. They are funny and sad but more than anything the book opens a window into how he got ideas for his characters in The Corrections. His parents are milder, more humanizing versions of their fictional selves. The siblings are, as far as I can tell, varying versions of Mr. Franzen himself.

All in all it was a decent book with an amazing cover. Would I recommend you read it? No, only if you want to understand the thought process behind his writing The Corrections, and even then it isn't worth it that much.

As for news on the cover, I went looking for it. Northeastern did not have a copy of the magazine, so I submitted an order for a copy from any library that had it. On that order I said that a copy would only be of use to me if it was in color. I got this:

(Click on them and they give you a bigger more legible file)

When it comes to the Woman's heart that was much better than nothing at all considering I could not find a legible copy to begin with. Yet I wanted it in color to see the detail. Regardless my hunt is far from over. You will see a color copy with detail in the future. Mark my words.

What I Am Reading: The Discomfort Zone

I enjoyed Jonathan Franzen's book The Corrections immensely and upon realizing that I would not be working at Borders much longer I promptly bought the other two books of his that we had in stock.

The Discomfort Zone is meant to be (as the cover says) a personal history; all of 20 pages in it appears to me to be a tamer telling of The Corrections with his real mother and father reflecting milder versions of their counterparts in the Corrections. Makes you wonder if he wrote this only to clear up any misconception that Alfred and Enid were fictional characterizations of his parent. Not all of us can be fooled.

Yet again Jonathan Franzen fails to disappoint in the cover department with this being my favorite book cover of any book I have read so far. My being a lover of maps it isn't hard to believe that a book with a very descriptive map of a man's heart would catch my fancy. Now after doing a little research stemming from reading the back cover, apparently the original map (published in a January 1960 edition of McCall's) came complete with a map of a Woman's heart as well. I have been unable to find a good quality version (here is a poor one) via the internets so I now have plans to look through Northeastern's collection of Magazine's and if I cannot find it there I will hunt it down at the library of congress. To be continued.....

What I Just Read: Factotum

They say never judge a book by it's cover, well then maybe don't read this.

There are two constants in the life of Henry Chinaski; every woman he beds was "good" and every job he has ever had and will have asks far to much of him for far to little pay. Factotum is not different, Chinaski like most books gets himself hooked to a crazed woman who likes to show him some leg while at the same time moving from job to job (mores so in this book than any other) where his bosses don't understand him and ask far too much of him.

I get the job thing, he is lazy by nature, hates being told what to do and above all would rather be sitting in his bed with his back to the wall drinking a beer. I get that.

What I don't get is how a man that looks like this, who considers himself not to be a ladies man can be found giving it to a new woman every other chapter (What is equally as confusing is the year long dry spells he speaks of). Now of course this is fictional and not autobiographical (though Henry Chinaski sounds awfully close to Charles Bukowski) and he probably embellishes most of what he writes but there must be some form of truth to it.

Regardless of an overall meaning I enjoy reading Bukowski if not for the sex crazed boozed up smart ass Chinaski but for the quick to the point writing and the finality of each book. The use of his novels to portray periods of living be it his life from birth to leaving his family, or his work at the post office, or even his preoccupation with only women, each book he writes is about one period in his life and the main issue that his life revolves around at that time (what an English teacher would call a theme).

That being said I am going to leave Hollywood and South of No North for later. I find it hard to believe that anything is going to top Ham on Rye, Post Office or the other two I read, so I plan on reading Bukowski when I'm not likely to feel let down and in reality all I want is my sex crazed boozed up smart ass fix.

Top 5: Things NOT to Say to an IM Official

If working for Northeastern Intramural Sports has taught me anything it has taught me how to take a whole lot of abuse from peers. As a result of that abuse I have come to look at the role of a referee in a new light as well as speculate as to how smart students who attend NU really are. What follows are 5 things you should never say to an IM official unless you are A) looking to make yourself look like an idiot or B) looking to get yourself banned from IM Sports and the Marino Center.


5. He hit me first!

Unfortunately I did not see him hit you first, if I had he would also have a penalty. And no I am not going to take your word for it, if I did that I would be calling a "penalty" on someone every 30 seconds. Besides that, did your mother never teach you about turning the other cheek and being the better person? Or maybe you learned about proportional responses? Sort of along the lines of being pushed to the ground and then turning around and slugging the guy in the face, I think that was not a proportional response on your part.

On top of that I have one set of eyes and unfortunately they both have to look in the same direction at all times. So yes I miss calls occasionally, it happens, get over it, losing a IM dodgeball game should not be up there with the murder of a family member.


4. Have you played Hockey before?

I love answering this question because in fact as a Hockey ref I have played hockey once or twice in my life (wowzers!), to be specific I have been skating since I was 2 and been playing Hockey since I was 4, so what's your next question Mr. Lipton? Do I know how to blow a whistle? Do I know how to lace up my skates properly? Do I sleep at night? Am I blind? I have a question for you: can you read? In particular the part of the rules where it says this is a "non-contact league". I don't care how hockey is played in the NHL because believe it or not this isn't the NHL and you aren't Sidney Fucking Crosby so stop whining like him and serve your two fucking minutes.

3. Shut the #%&@ Up! (and all manner of swearing thrown in my direction)

This one puzzles me; why would someone think it is all right to verbally abuse the person who controls their playing eligibility? It's liking bitching to a cop for a speeding ticket, what do you want a busted tailight and reckless driving tacked on? I can throw you out of this game for looking at me the wrong way (sadly I haven't found a pair of IM eyes I couldn't stare down) and no one from my boss to the President of the University would fault me for it. But yet you think it's ok to tell me to go fuck myself and how to do it? Do I look like the dumbest guy in the world to you? On second thought don't answer that question, just be quiet.

2. What's your name?

What are you going to do with my name? Complain to my boss about me? He likes me and he doesn't like you. More importantly he doesn't like people questioning the calls of his officials. So what on God's green earth do you think he is going to say to you, do you think he is going to fire me because my interpretation of a hooking penalty is a bit different then yours? I think not.

1. You want to fight outside after this is over?
This isn't as much of something not to say to a referee as much as it is a fear I have. I am waiting for the day when I'm walking down the street, ordering a beer at a bar, or grabbing a box of Cheeze-Its from the shelf at Shaws and suddenly someone blindsides me with their fist. And all that because they couldn't understand why I threw them out of a game for jumping over the boards and playing the role of Killer from Slapshot. It's going to happen, maybe not tomorrow and maybe not next year, but someday it is going to happen.


Just keep the audible noises from your throat to a minimum and behave like the decent human being your mother and father brought you up to be. That's all we ask.

A Double Serving of Little Grumblings 4/17 - 4/30

I neglected to post last weeks Little Grumblings do to the inability to cut and paste on an IPod touch and Bolt-Bus's 56k modem. To make it up to you I have prepared a double serving for this week on the heals of two book posts. Tomorrow should involve some solar panels and a tank while Sunday is still a mystery of sorts. Until then enjoy some regurgitated Tweets!

And as always the ones that are not witty I did not write.

• The pirate bay founders will be 4 of 5000 prisoners in the Swedish penal system, a system thats sees 69 escapes a year. I like their chances. (Most of these escapes involve inmates walking right out the unlocked gate)
  
• Swedish Prison Accommodations: Bed, Table, Chair, Bathroom and Bookcase per inmate. That sounds better than my freshman dorm room.
  
• The policy of hating tests is reported to still be in effect in the life of one Kevin Doyle.
• Today is not a total loss, Free Toothpaste! (To be specific it was Tom's of Maine toothpaste, the same toothpaste that I made my mother buy until I was 12 because I refused to use any other kind. Not as good as my lunch day in and day out in Elementary School: American Cheese between wheat bread)
  
• I am currently downloading the film Slapshot. Why? Because not doing so is a crime against humanity. NEXT QUESTION! (Paul Newman, the guy who makes Newman's Own products is the star of this movie, it is also the best hockey movie ever made for that I had to show it to Katy. That being said she fell asleep 30 minutes in.)
  
• In other news Kevin enjoys beer. Yes he does indeed. (In this sense it was High Life, sorry it's reasonably priced)
  
• My stomach sees pasta and promptly triples in size in anticipation.
• I have come to the conclusion that my anti-establishment music of choice is Punk-Rock and it's many disobedient children. Sorry hippies. (In particular The Clash and The Ramones)
  
• There are 100 runners in the alley way behind my apartment eating and drinking and singing about free beer. WTF? (To be specific it is called Hashing and this hash was centered around everyone dressing in dominatrix apparel. They literally run for beer once to twice a week, ages vary from 21 to 80 and I don't even know if their drinking in the alley behind my apartment is considered legal.)
• I will take whatever new Jens I can get at this point. twurl.nl/r2d5tp (Still awaiting Jens' tour dates in Boston. I would ask him but if you email him he requires you to follow the months email topic. This month it is Breaking away, the feeling, not the movie, last month it was World War II and the month before that it was Sports.)
  
• NHL.com + TV feed = Amazing
• You know whats nice. Sitting on your well lit patio with a beer at night. Yes you should be jealous.
• Free NHL radio feeds are also nice.
• Hockey fights narrated via radio lead to very entertaining word choices "Has his helmet removed from his cranium!" (We need to save the sport of boxing so we can hear radio fights on a regular basis)
  
• Apparently the voice of WBCN in Boston does work in NJ as well. Weird.
• A very well written account of what thousands of young American men go through each day in Afghanistan. twurl.nl/iqd7a2 (C. J. Chivers is my new favorite journalist, every single report he has filed from Afghanistan I have enjoyed immensly. He has a way of properly narrating each episode he is involved in while at the same time making it seem like he is writing on the behalf of those he is imbedded with. Amazing work.)
  
• Some people make running 26.2 miles look easy.
• Kevin Barnes is not straight, there, I said it. (I would like to submit this photo as evidence to the jury)
  

Photo by Katy Kobzeff

• I mean why did he have to change from a purple top to the exact same top in turquoise? The purple was so slimming.......
• The Franks Red Hot reserves have reached an all time low. A purchase of epic proportions is required.
• has come to the conclusion that the human race has an obsession with bass infused music. (Why is it that every show I go to the bass seems to be exponentially higher than it is on the actual album? I enjoyed Of Montreal live without question but I would have liked it that much more if I could understand what he was singing)
  
• Mass Ave traffic lights are out to get me. (Five lights in a row were red after I bolted off the previous line like a drag racer)
  
• OK Portz man, all your final are belong to us. That is of course if you don't mind.
• Is it me or are all killers considered to be "nice, well mannered people" up until they get caught?
• Crisping tortillas in the oven = bad idea (The result was two charred Tortillas, an apartment full of smoke, a really annoying smoke detector and one frightened kitten)
  
• 1. Cheez-its 2. Coke 3. Frank's Red Hot 4. Now and Laters
• Now and Laters make the list primarily because I have eaten half a box in the last 5 minutes.
• Fashionista stays.
  
• RT @darthvader: Just be glad I don't celebrate Earth Day the way I celebrated Alderaan Day.
• In addition to "fashionista" "have their cake and eat it too" has been added to my paper. Portz better enjoy it.
• Fact: Kevin enjoys editing papers by hand. Therefore assigning a paper while his printer is out of black ink is the best way to torture him. (and no printing it in purple would not suffice)
  
• Hey IMF how about instead of calling it a severe recession why not just call it a depression? Oh yeah I forgot that would mean something.
• Also included in said paper is a direct quote from the illustrious dubya Bush: "Heckuva job"
  
• I am taking many liberties with the English language for this paper. "Kennedyesque"
• Really it had to be a 9 Volt battery? I'll just head down to my bombshelter and borrow one from my Cold War era flash light. (The result of not having an extra 9 Volt lying around was a glass shelve held up by loose screws. I am now waiting for the day when I am washing the dishes and the shelve slicing my veins open.)
  
• Only masochists enjoy watching the trap defense. Ironically those same people live in New Jersey. (My best tweet ever and no one understands it)
  
• I fail to see the benefits of a standard screw over a phillips head other than the formers ability to send a drill into the palm of my hand.
• I whole heartedly agree. yfrog.com/76603j
• And all my drivers do is stare at me blankly bit.ly/ujZD5
• I am currently boiling water to shave my face because I used all of the buildings hot water during my 45 min shower. 41 minutes next time.
• Me: I'm an idiot Katy: yeah an idiot with his pants on backwards
• Born Ruffians are not Saves The Day. They are a HAPPY band. UNDERSTAND? (Case closed)
  
• Aparently you are not allowed to use Hotplates on Boltbus. How am I supposed to cook my Ramon? (No joke my driver insisted that no one plug in their hot plate for fear that we may repeat an episode from the week prior where a woman was burned)
  
• This whole Internet on a bus thing would be alot cooler if some asshole didn't forget to exit Kazaa before boarding. (The whole internet on a bus thing is really cool until you are sharing a bus wuth 25 other laptops = 56k)
  
• Yes honking makes traffic magically disapear. Silly New Yorkers, the correct answer is landmines. (Or a $350 fine which I am told has truely helped)
  
• NYC, society's traffic equivalent of the last 5 minutes of a Basketball game.
• Most people pity the anorexic, not the woman in front of me, she has lunch with them just so she can torture them by eating a pizza. (The woman in front of me on the bus was brutal, she spent 25 minutes gossiping about one of her friends who suffers from anorexia and thinking of ways to torture her)
  
• Her idea of an intervention: How's work going? And your anorexia?
• New York stock brokers may have ruined the economy but they make up for it by paying for my drinks. (Katy and I had an hour to kill around Time Square so we decided to get a drink or two at this Saloon, next thing I know this stock trader is buying me drinks, I'm lecturing the bartender on how Blue Moon is from Colorado and not Belgium, and I half a full out conversation with an Englishman about soccer and hockey.)
  
• Katy and I just decided we could move to NYC for Saturday morning people watching at Central Park alone. Probably not a good reason.
• Crossed paths with Menna again today. He is so not a New Yorker. (Seeing Mr. Menna at the MET was very cool and then realizing that Katy's work could replace the old drawings on the wall was more than I could handle.)
  
• Apparently the florescent light I hung last week can be considered modern art.
• A spicy hotdog does not qualify as a sausage. Nice try though.
• I am bringing Diners back to Boston. I don't know how yet, but I'm going to try and shove one or two in my duffle bag. (Boston has one diner that I know of, I want more)
  
• I would wear a shirt w/a bike on it the day 50 armed salesmen are peddling their bikes for rent. Best part? Took 10 guys to realize my shirt. (Funny thing is this happened to me once before except I was wearing a Facebook Tshirt and I was asked by a random kid in JP "Hey do you have Facebook?" I replied that I did not and kept walking, slightly confused. It took me an hour to realize I was wearing a Facebook T-shirt.
  
• An unshaven, sleepy and dufflebag armed Kevin lying on a 5th av bench probably resembles a young homeless man, or so the stares would imply.
• Rather than buy an IPhone I just need to move to NYC the home of unsecured wifi. No job required. Just a pringles can and voilà cc numbers! (No shit every where I went in NYC I found an unsecured wireless connection)
  
• We the jury find the defendant Mumkin guilty of attempted nightstand clearing and sentence her to a one night ban from the bedroom.
• Tweetie + Birdhouse = Amazing. Rectify your current status to include both.
• Sorry I'm confused, but isn't losing Specter a bad thing for Republicans? bit.ly/xCkO8 Read the comments section.
• Jens is testing my patience with shows in South America and California. Mr. Lekman as your biggest Boston fan, I want a show here. (I have thrown down the gauntlet and I dare any of you to challenge your love for Jens with mine. You shall fail.)
  
• Having sat in the backyard for an hour now I have come to realize that the alleyway is a major druggy/homeless person thoroughfare.
• Dumb Away Message of the Day "Its a great day to be alive!" Only someone who has been both alive & dead is qualified to make that statement.
• How long shall we suffer before Windings is recognized as an adequate font for official documents and correspondence?
• Since I am no good at applying for jobs I have decided to try my hand at something else I am not good at: running.
• Thank you "Kids", I now never want to have a daughter. (This movie ruined my evening, just ask Katy. I don't want children anymore for fear that they will become mixed up with the children of delinquent parents. I can raise my children as well as anyone but if they make one mistake they could end up with AIDS. I hate people who have children who do not have the time or the mental capacity to raise them, it is incredibly self-centered and dangerous to the people around you. When in doubt, do not procreate.)
  
• The big dilemma for the day in the life of Katy: to make Chocolate Chip cookies or Chocolate Chocolate Chip cookies. Decisions, decisions...
• Mumkin has just hissed at me for the first time. The love affair is ending. A cat is a cat is a cat.
• One resume sent off, many, many, many more to go.
• For once there's a mouse directly in front of the sliding door & my cat shows no interest. What has she been staring @ for the last 2 months?
  
• The name Charles does not appear to be spelled correctly. I have no idea which way I think it should be spelled, just not that way.
• Katy epiphany of the day: Everything Peach is good.
• Nothing like coming out of the shower to a girlfriend listening intently to a Scottish smut book.
  

Get your instant grumblings here.

What I Am Reading: Factotum

The funny thing is I have two more Bukowski books sitting on my shelf. In the latest installment of creepy old men I enjoy reading, we have yet another Charles Bukowski book, Factotum. After Women this is the most recomended book by Bukowski, so I expect great things.

Apparently this was a movie starring Matt Dillon. Now if I were to make a movie based on a Charles Bukowski book, I would not give the role of Henry Chinaski to Johnny Drama's brother. My top five actors would be:

5. Gene Hackman: Gene Hackman has been in just short of 10,000 films and has played every role under the sun AND is in my favorite always on TV movie, The Quick and The Dead. He can play Henry Chinaski better than Matt Dillon.

4. Jack Nicholson: We know he is creepy and we know he enjoys loose woman and booze so fitting into the role of Chinaski would not be too hard. The only problem is at this time in his career what we would get in this movie would be Jack Nicholson living the life of Henry Chinaski. Jack no longer acts, he just screams at Laker games and puts butts in seats.

3. Nicolas Cage: I despise all movie Nicolas Cage except Matchstick Men, which of course is what I am drawing off of. Cage can play a creepy eccentric man, that is the only role he can play besides Nick Cage. As long as he doesn't play Nick Cage in this movie we are ok.

While I'm on the topic George Clooney is the same way, except better looking and we like the role of George Clooney and his Leatherheads and O Brother Where Art Thou persona is not creepy.

2. Casey Affleck: No he isn't a creepy old man, though he has the potential, but if you are going to be making a movie of a young Henry Chinaski, Casey (Not Ben) Affleck is your man. May need a little uglying up and an attempt to tone down the Boston accent but other than that he is awkward enough to fit the bill.

1. John Malkovich: Though I know what Bukowski looks like but John Malkovich is who I picture when I'm reading. He has no problem playing creepy, eccentric, overbearing assholes, just watch Rounders.

As for the cover, like all covers Bukowski it is a good solid cover (and it's not the movie cover mind you) but I still prefer the new covers that have been being made recently and if it was not for the movie we would have had one redone for Factotum.

What I Just Read: A Farewell to Arms

It's a terrible cover, but if you must.

I think the moral here is, you can not judge a man by his novella. Or maybe you can. I believe I enjoyed this book just as much as I enjoyed "The Old Man and the Sea". I left somewhat satisfied but at the same time confused as to what all the hype about Hemingway was about. Maybe I just didn't get it but nothing about A Farewell to Arms was that impressive. I mean I enjoyed it just fine, yes it has flashes of brilliance at points but only just that, flashes.

Hemingway writes well when there is something to write about, in this books it was the war. But he fails to link each well written section with another equally well written section, instead he falls into dialogue that is far from stimulating.

This mostly revolved around the dialogue between the main character and the lead female character; there is just no substance. They talk endlessly for pages upon pages and nothing comes of it, not even any character development. It got to the point where I would see a large block of dialogue between the two of them and I would simply skip over it. The worst part? Katy says all Hemingway women are the same, joy.

Oh and I hated the ending.

The Underlings Guide to the ABC's - Ii

It's been a while (2.5 months) since the letter "H" was given his due so we decided that it was time to give I his time in the spot light so he will finally stop calling me and asking when he can expect to see it.

Well this egotistical, self centered son of a bitch insists on being capitalized every time, without fail, that he is found by himself. Part of that time he looks to appear as though he were a lower case "L". I for one do not approve. I mean who gave him the right? Not I, that is for sure. The word "me" is not capitalized and it has pretty much the exact same meaning. There shall be justice, justice in the form of finishing this entry here and now by me not I. Damn it, I meant not I but me.

This Week's Hefty Helping of Little Grumblings: 4/10 - 4/16

I realize that my previous post was also an aggregation of the last week's Tweets, for the fact that they now share each others cooties I am deeply sorry. But in my defense I have been busy with work, papers, finals, the return of a girlfriend from a foreign land and this thing called springtime. I hope to bring you something next week, but I can promise nothing, I hope you understand. Until then here is this weeks little grumblings. Enjoy.

And as always the ones that are not witty I did not write.

• Ummmm I am beyond infuriated right now. twurl.nl/egkxn5 (this tweet and the next few tweets were in reference to the drastic cuts proposed by the MBTA in order for them to meet their budget deficit. Yes I understand that this is a scare tactic, I am a polisci major after all, but the fact that they are threatening cuts at all and not focusing on paring back benefits and firing those who got us into this mess is appalling.)
  
• Some of these comments on the T service cuts are great: "So are we planning on legalizing drunk driving so Sox fans can get home?"
• "I travelled all over the world and consider the public transit systems in some 3rd world countries to be superior than the T" I vote Cairo.
• "I can't tell you how much money I dumped into cabs because I missed the 12:30 AM train."
• "What are all those lazy BU students going to do when those stops on the B line 100 feet from each other are closed?" Oh and Fuck BU. (On the topic of BU I would like to say to all of you people who root for simply the "Boston" schools in college sports do not use that argument with a BC, BU or Northeastern student. This is like Yankees/Red Sox, UNC/Duke to us, we hate each other and the fact that you can root for one or the other just because of the location is a ghastly and indefensible thought to us all.)
  
• "The T's like my deadbeat best friend. You can't stand him, he asks WAY too much of you, but you just can't do without the comedic relief."
• "Massachusetts = Connecticut" That is without the standard of living they enjoy.
• Cut public transport + We all buy cars + Install $10 tolls every mile on every road in MA = Mass Master Plan
• If I can't sleep at night then my cat will not sleep during the day. That will teach her not to play with bottle caps on tile for 2 hours...
  
• I just used the word "fashionista" in a paper for the first time. The feeling I got from typing it was far less exhilarating than I thought. (This paper ended up not being due for another week, fashionista will probably be edit ted out upon further review)
  
• Judging by the amount of people here today about 1/3 of my Global Climate Change class has not been attending regularly this semester.
• Climate Change Prof: "US not joining Kyoto was reasonable because of the non-participation by China and India." I like this guy. (Stemming from this I had a debate with Daniel who is of the opinion that the US not signing Kyoto was a missed opportunity on our part to show the world that we mean business. Though I agree that such a signing would have shown the world that we meant business and I am saddened that we did not seriously propose a different plan, I believe that had we signed Kyoto all that would have resulted would have been a greater loss of jobs and industry on the part of the US to China and India, a hit to the economy as well as no actual effect on the Climate what so ever [not to mention the ratification by the sentence would not have happened with the lobbying of Unions on democrats and the lobbying of big business on Republicans]. What needs to happen is a gradual easing into restriction on CO2 and other green house gases in order to not cause a backlash by the American public.)
  
• Spanish Prof: "I'm glad to see someone doesn't like me and wants me fired."
• Spanish Prof: "If I don't correct this final you will all fail"
• Jack Sparrow is not going away anytime soon. twurl.nl/0gutar (Pirates are fun news stories because no one can keep the article serious thanks to the romanticism of pirates by Hollywood)
  
• Dear FB Friend-finder: If I didn't friend them the first time or even the second time, I'm not going to friend them the next 5 times either.
• PS I don't like Taylor Swift or Usher if I did they would be in my "Favorite Music" section you had me fill out all ready.
• Fairly certain that when a group of protesters throw Molotov cocktails at troops with rifles that they are pretty pissed off about something. (This was in reference to the protests happening in Thailand right now for which I read the line "Protesters throwing Molotov cocktails were met with heavy resistance by troops armed with automatic rifles" in a NYT article. Got me thinking, what on earth would motivate me to throw a bottle of flaming gasoline at a man with a very large gun? Now you have to take into effect that I can not throw very far and that a trained police officer can hit a target from a good distance. With that being said I do not think anything short of my life or the life of the people I love being threatened would cause me to put myself at such a risk. Which leads me to believe that anyone who throws a Molotov Cocktail clearly has some valid concerns and you should probably sit down and discuss them.)
  
• In professor Portz's defense it's hard to issue a grade for a presentation that he was not awake for.
• "Sent at 4:26 AM: Your time sheet is delinquent. Please complete it and submit it immediately." Gene you workaholic you. (One of my bosses for Intramural Sports and Northeastern, he likes collecting rare coins and apparently doing payroll at the wee hours of the morning)
  
• Yes he hit you, I saw that, but what made you think it was OK to punch him in the face? (There was an incident in the Roller Hockey Championship which involved a player taking matters into his own hands and laying a kid out, the kid who was placed on the floor in such a physical manner decided to retaliate by throwing his hands at the back of the other players head. Now I get that it was a chump move to hit the kid and yes I may have beat the shit out of the kid if it had been me but what I don't get is how the players think I should not call it a penalty. If I let the game go on someone will kill that boy!)
  
• Minor freak-out when I saw "Subway" charges on my CC. Thought I was sleep-eating shitty food. No it was just overpriced public transport.
• Why does one need an assault rifle? It's called "hunting" not "assaulting".
• is not bored enough to rate his five favorite cheeses, but thanks for asking Facebook.
• I don't care if he is real or not. RT @Steve_Buscemi: is definitely an assman...you're either an assman or a dumbass man.
• Butterscotch, Cafe Latte or Vanilla? Oh and I like saying Vanilla with a Spanish accent.
• When I was a robber, in Boston Place! (Anthology version of Hey Jude, just listen to it)
  
• Me: United is going to charge fat people twice to fly. Katy: Good I hate flying next to fat people. twurl.nl/ferz5n
• We need to develop a way to transfer information to one's brain. I want to learn Spanish in a matter of minutes like Neo learns Kung Fu. (I did not do well on my Spanish test btw)
  
• I have been saying Texas should secede for years! Why when someone who likes Texas says it is it a valid argument?
• John Madden is gone, now if only we could get rid of Joe Morgan....
• One question, what IS the redneck solution? RT @trent_reznor: Making sure you cant feel TOO good about being American bit.ly/4liRrV
• Go ahead and try Texas, but in the end I think you might prefer to pay the taxes. twurl.nl/ba4oxt
• Having jeans with holes in them does not make you look cool, it makes you look poor. Though it does make you sound saint like.
• I hate tests
• "FOXNEWS RATINGS SURGE ON PROTEST COVERAGE" Drudge headline, and we wonder why Fox news is not a credible news source. (It was a political ruse on the part of Republicans to make it look like people are angry about taxes on the rich that are in fact lower than when Ronald Reagan was President, non-story)
  

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This Weeks Hefty Helping of Little Grumblings: 4/3 - 4/9

This week we here at Grumbling of an Underling are changing things up a bit. What's going to happen is that the little grumblings will be fed steroids once a week, meaning that most of the little grumblings will come with extra thoughts (marked in read) and a link or two. The reasons for this are: 1. I started using Twitter to publish quick thoughts that I might expand on later, this is my actually implementing the second part of that, 2. Katy came home Monday night and because of that I have not been writing which leads in to 3. Classes are ending, Easter is here and I won't have time to write and I feel bad giving you just Tweets that I have already posted on Twitter.

That being said I plan on continuing this each week and if there is a better format than posting my extra thoughts in read leave it in the comment section. Enjoy.

And as always the ones that are not witty I did not write.

• I was stupid in thinking that there would be no line at Umberto's at noon. Shame on me, I should know better. (Galleria Umberto's is the best place for lunch, and no I will not take your questions or comments)
  
• I would have had my own personal backstage "tour" of the moe. set if I had only not looked confused as to where the box office was. Damn. (Confession, I don't listen to moe.)
  
• 1 Shift remaining
• I am no longer employed by Borders Inc. (More on this here)
  
• Opens Door:"Wow it smells nice in here........aww shit I left the candle burning all day again!" Luckily I had an apartment to come home to. (I did this again two days later)
  
• Kevin thinks he is getting sick, his solution? Mac and Cheese.
• How does one seek sanctions against a country that's biggest business is making homemade rockets? (At what point do we say enough is enough in regards to North Korea, and no I do not mean bomb the shit out of them because we all know you can't draw blood from a stone. What I mean is why don't we just ignore them, they shoot off a rocket that fails miserably we act like nothing happened. Until they pull something off that works North Korea is dead to me, you hear me? DEAD!)
  
• Seth Rogan can't act. He can giggle, Mumble thoughts to himself and shout about his feelings to others. It must be the hair. (Thanks to Bill Simmons and his explanation that all Romantic Comedies follow the same basic plot line [funny parts - the romantic problem - the dramatic reunion - less funny parts] Zach and Miri Make a Porno was the first of many romantic comedies that I will not be able to enjoy.)
  
• New personal record 48.6 MPG. (I deliberately stayed below 15 MPH for the last part of my ride back to the lot just so the gas motor would not engage. Why? I have not idea)
  
• "Family Size" Cheez-It box? More like "Kevin Size" Cheez-It Box.
• Who when Coke is on sale for 10 for $10 actually buys 10? This guy.
• God do I love All Girl Swedish Rock bands. Jens has been replaced in the "will travel anywhere to see perform" category by Sahara Hotnights
• If Panda's are too stupid to procreate why are we trying to save them? Charles Darwin is rolling over in his grave right now. ("Cute & Cuddly" is not a valid argument)
  
• If action movies have taught me anything it is not to press the red button. Then why did I just press the red button on my security system?
• Where is my neighbor going at 5 AM? Better question: Why am I awake? (Our neighbor is an enigma, it is known that she owns both a red jacket and a lighter green jackeyt, she comes and goes at all hours of the day and night, occasionally has small children over, and cooks heavily spice laden food. All this is known from looking through the peep hole.)
  
• You can't record a hip-hop song, put guitar and drums to it and then call it Rock. I'm looking at you Lil Wayne.
• I shave because I have to, not because I want to.
  
• After this Sunday I see no reason why I should shave. This could be bad. (Katy has since informed me that such a policy shift towards shaving would be detrimental to my administration on other fronts.)
  
• Climate Change Prof: People who buy Hybrids hardly ever recoup the premium they paid for them in the first place.
• Climate Change Prof: The benefits of installing solar panels in your home is negligible if not a negative.
• My climate change professor = Debbie Downer
• Green Peace guy, I get it u want my $ to stop baby seal clubbing. What u don't know is that that $ went towards the purchase of a seal club.
• Dear NBA Executives, I have since declared myself eligible for the NBA draft. (Why can't I opt out of the rest of my college career and get paid millions of dollars to play basketball. Yes I am a terrible basketball player but the point is I have paid, or will pay, for my education and I will not be awarded a multi-million dollar contract. Not fair, and don't give me that life is not fair bullshit because I know it isn't but I still can grippe about it on the internet.)
  
• Tostitos "Now with 20% more!" Yeah, 5% more chips and 15% more air.
• Kevin will learn the piano this summer. Crisis averted. (You can thank Ben Folds)
  
• Apparently as a blogger I don't have to backup my claims factual evidence. So all those justifications for the invasion of Canada were 4 not.
• "with" is the key word missing from that last tweet. You figure out where it goes
• Screen-Dropping: (v) The act of observing the computer activity of an individual in front of you. "I was screen-dropping her buying shoes"
• Using a big word in a sentence & then explaining that word in the same breath makes you a condescending asshole. "the nadir, the bottom...."
• 24 hour news networks make for gutless, boring, fake political candidates and makes their mistakes 6 years down the road even more shocking.
• Tweet Deck, if you don't have it I suggest you get it. tweetdeck.com
• I wish I loved life as much as the keyboardist from The Faint does. (Let's just say his chief concern for the night was not playing the keyboard)
  
• Climate change Prof: "Your fridge will be connected to the Internet and will be controlled by the power company server" Oh the possibilities
• Climate Change Prof: "Driving on your cell phone, even with a hands free device. = Driving drunk"
• North Korea has a Parliament? Why?
• New Rule: You can't complain about me not reffing a game seriously when you don't take it serious enough to show up to your games.

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So Long and Thanks for All the Books

I worked at Borders for 10 months and all I got was this stupid name tag.

As you may or may not know two weeks ago I decided to resign my position as junior used car salesman at Borders Inc. because of something I like to call "Corporate Differences". Well today was my last day, an uneventful one that resulted in me getting a free drink in the cafe. No not because I donated a bag of beans to the USO but because I somehow have aquired 5 Borders Bucks. Here is my thoughts on my departure.

Things I Will Not Miss:

• "Do you have a Borders Rewards card? Would you like one, it just takes 30 seconds, an email address and it's completely free?"
• The Kid's Section
• Listening to Genilee talk about her cats, her 42348923 nieces and nephews, how she does not want to pass her genetics on, how she can't touch candy because she will pass out, how she is being promoted to a fictional position of "head cashier", why she only drinks Diet Mountain Dew, her response to customers asking how she is which is "awake", her babel about how much product she suckers customers into buying.
• Master Wok
  
• Heather and that condescending sneer that she gives whenever I ask her a question.
• The T-Mobile sellers
• Finding playboys in the Manga section
• Pep talks on how to get my Borders Rewards numbers up. You know how I got that 70% Borders? I punched in random phone numbers and made fake accounts. And you didn't catch me!
• Joel Olsteen's stupid face
  
• The Asian guy who always put things on reserve so he could go get money from the ATM but then never came back.
• People who read Twilight. Or as Borders calls them "Twihards".
• Recovering the sex section and having people tell me that "You can really find good books in this section"
• The Big Penis Book
• Telling people they should donate a bag of bean's to the troops so they can drink something good for once. Yes because what we need is shitty Border's coffee running through our soldier's veins as they dodge bullets and get rocket proppelled grenades shot at them. At least they are drinking good coffee.
  
• Being told that I'm an idiot by customer's who, though they can't read the sign that says "enter line here", are smarter than me.
  
• Joel Olsteen's Wife's even stupider face.
• Having to place Toni Morrison's books next to books like this.
• Operating registers from the 1980's
• U2
• Motown Hits
• Frank Sinatra
• Bruce Springsteen
  
• My Chemical Romance
• Paul McCartney and the Fireman
• New Bob Dylan
• Robert Plant & Allison Kraus
• Having to explain that why Borders does not have a Biography section.
• Seeing The Shack as the number one best seller.
• Tucker Max
• Telling people to just go buy it on Amazon.
• Explaining why it says "Likely in Store" and not "In Stock" and then providing an example of why it says just that.
  

Things I Will Miss:

• My discount.

Now the Underling needs to go find a job.......