What I Just Read: Fixing Failed States

In the immortal words of Denny Green "they are who we thought they were!" Just as I stated before this book proved to be predictable and if nothing else just a grouping of ideas and forward thinking policies that we all know but refuse to implement.

The problem with the world today is that too many states have governments that have failed them because of their inability to provide a stable government that is free of corruption and is geared to a capitalistic working environment. The remedy calls for the consolidation of aid agencies into one forward thinking cabal that seeks to implement stable governments that are accountable to the people and provide a market and public financing.

Basically make the third world like the first world, and do it through investing infrastructure and good government.

And how is that a new idea?

All in all this book presented nothing new to me and did so in a frustrating format that could have been scaled down to a magazine article and probably would have reached a wider audience because of that.

I'm going to go read something interesting and informative now.

Dirty Old Prophet

The rest of us would be all right until the poor learned how to make atom bombs in their basements.

- Charles Bukowski Women

On Haircuts

While sitting getting my hair cut at Floyd's today I came to the conclusion that if I am going to spend a decent amount of time in Boston I think it may be a good idea for me to find a specific someone to cut my hair. Ever since leaving for Belgium I have encountered the issue of having my haircut by someone who is not Tony. I have had people who don't speak English, to a guy who just gives you the regular "I'm a white boy" haircut, to a guido who cuts well but almost takes your ear with him, and then there is Floyd's where you can have the same person twice and they wouldn't know any better.

And each time I'm scared I'm going to walk away with an aweful haircut (so far it's about 50/50). So today I officially announce my search for a new barber. It's been a long time coming, and looks to be no small feet in finding one I like considering how I haven't found one as of yet. But I think I'm going about it the wrong way, simply hitting the first place I see. I need to do some research.

All I want is a small shop with a few stools, a TV, moderately priced, and for the barber to be over the age of 40. The last one is the key, because I do not want anything in common with the person cutting my hair. To me getting your haircut is a moment in life when you reflect on things, it's like being in the shower or at the dentist; you sit there in silence and think. I don't want to talk about where I go to school, the Red Sox, Barack Obama, the weather or any of that shit. If I talk about anything with the guy, other than hair, I want it to be about my family, only because I want to have frequented the same place long enough that the guy knows my family.

And above all I want to walk in, sit down, and get my haircut the exact way I like it without having to show him pictures, explain what shampoo I use or how I comb my hair (for the record I don't). I want this guy to know my hair, and just do what needs to be done.

If your interested or have a suggestion, reply to this post.

What I Am Reading: Women

I have since finished this book, for the review navigate here.

Next up on the never ending trail of books is Women by Charles Bukowski. When I was purchasing Post Office a couple weeks ago my coworker Steve voiced that Women was his favorite book by Bukowski, I vowed to make it my next Bukowski book. Well as it would happen someone else decided they wanted to read Women as well, so I had to wait a week to purchase it. Now I have it, and I'm reading it, even though I have a boring book to read as well.

As I have stated before Bukowski is the dirtiest of the dirtiest old men and he gets his dirtiest when it come to talking about females, so I can only imagine how dirty this book is going to be. Stay tuned for the review.

Oh I also have purchased Factotum (another Steve favorite) and Ham on Rye which Worth commented on when I was purchasing it. So it appears as if Bukowski may be going the way of Vonnegut, that meaning I will probably end up purchasing and reading ever piece of his published works when it is all said and done.

It's Easy (but probably not probable) Being Green: Green Gyms

Here is our ongoing segment known It's Easy (but probably not probable) Being Green. Which is ripped from a Kermit the Frog song. Again I am not the green energy consulted that also goes by the name Kevin Doyle, I'm just the guy who gets his emails.

Mr. President

Americans are obsessed with staying in shape, as you well know, Mr. President by your countless hours at the gym each day. Millions of Americans hit the gym daily like you do, burning up calories, through many forms of exercise. Which is why we have come to you today with this report, on the benefits of the stationary bicycle.

You've seen it sir, in many of the post-apocolyptic movies out there, citizens left with no power, and what do they do? They hook a stationary bike to a turbine to run power to the light bulbs (that flicker constantly). I see you nodding you head over there sir, you can see where we are going with this. We want you to put one of these bicycles in the Oval Office, and stream you 2 hours a day over the web!

No? No camera? Not in the Oval Office? How about in Rahm's Office? O.K. I guess the White House gym makes sense as well, but sir it's just that we foresaw you meeting world leaders perched atop the bike. Vulnerable? Hell Putin takes his shirt off and flexes his pecks every time he has a meeting with Angela Merkel. The Fact that Germanic - Ruski relations have suffered is irrelevant sir. The point is that you are losing the war on machoness to a former member of the KGB!

No sir I'm fine, I....I....I just love this country so much and I can not stand to see you play second fiddle on the scale of manliness to a damn Russian sir! But I digress.

What brings us here today is the effect that these machines could have on the energy market. With our history of dieting and exercising we believe if deployed correctly these machines could account for 1/3 of our energy use (or they could barely cover the energy cost of each gym, you have nerds to crunch those numbers and come up with an exact number).

It's up to you sir to get Americans to use these. We were thinking maybe we would slap your name on it because people will buy any piece of crap with "Obama" stamped on the side of it. Maybe name it the Obamanator, and have you hawk it on an infomercial with one of those guys who yells and gesticulates a lot. You would be good at selling things to people wouldn't you sir? Tell them a whole bunch of really cool things about the product that may or may not be true. Travel the country and show them how it works. Yeah I can see it.

What I Just Read: The White Tiger

This book is, as my manager at Borders put it today, "sneaky good". You do not realize how well written and entertaining until you are 100+ pages in and your realize you are over 100 pages in and you hadn't realized it. For myself a quality of a good book is if I am not constantly looking at the page numbers counting down until I am done. Most books I read I read for what I want to call a "Conquest". I read them because I feel as if I need to read them, be it because I bought them with the intent of reading them for pleasure and now I just have to read the book because I own it or because I want to know whats in them (i.e. John Lennon) or because it appears to be a book everyone should read (any Shakespeare). The White Tiger may have started that way but it finished as an overall enjoyable book.

In more detail, The White Tiger by Aravind Adiga was the perfect book to follow my reading of The Post-American World. It was a narrative on what India is like for the lower castes of society and how regardless of Globalization and the "Rise of the Rest" it takes a serious and dedicated individual to advance themselves in society. The White Tiger touches on everything in Indian society, from poverty to pollution to forced prostitution to government corruption to outsourcing to the emergence of a modern India. All of this through the lens of resourceful and determined young Indian named Balram in his writing to the Premier of China.

A thoroughly enjoyable and well written book.

Next up will be Women by Bukowski but I am forcing myself to read my Captone book before I read Women but it just does not look appetizing at all. We shall see. Expect a post on Women before weeks end.

The Underlings Guide to the ABC's - Hh

Another day, another new feature. I'm sorry my dear readers for putting all these features on you. I'm going to slow down eventually, make some of the features staples, some of them will fade out, maybe stick to a schedule. We'll see, but for now random acts of grumbling will continue. Onward!

We are calling it (queue Carl Kassel's voice) "The Underlings Guide to the ABC's". It is quite simple really, I pick a letter and tell you the definition. They will be short to start, they might get longer.


First up the Letter H!

The sideways I and the tall n. It seems like it does not have its own identity. Socially awkward? A difficult time holding his own with the rest of the crowd?
I myself do not have an h in my name, could have done with one though. A humble guy h is, no loner though, can be found hanging out with s and c and a vowel or two.

Stop the Presses!

Yes I realize it is 4:21 AM. Disregard that.

I hereby revoke my support for Governor Deval Patrick. I know this may come as a blow to some of you but I just can not support a man who is going to such barbaric ends to deal with the current economic crisis.

In such times as these is it prudent to tax something that is so dear to many? I can't afford a $0.08 increase on my Coke! Is this man crazy? You know how much that would cost me a year?!?!

All I'm saying is if Mr. Patrick happens to find a whole 2 liter of Coke spilled on his desk Monday morning, I may have had something to do with it.

We must stop this war. The War on Coke.

Of inner city lakes, beer and Eric Lindros

I have said it before and I will say it again, I should have gone to school in Florida.

I know you people in Alaska, Minnesota, Canada, and Siberia (Scandinavia your standard of living is too high to complain) experience terribly cold winters, and I am sorry for that but you have nothing on New England weather. We may not get many below zero days as you do but in all do respect 33 degrees and sleeting is the worst experience in the world.

Yesterday started out as a decent winter day, high 20s and snowing. I'm ok with that, because snow is not wet, unless you get it inside your clothing. Of course the day didn't stay that way, not in land of 75 degree days in January! Oh no, because when I emerged from Spanish it was sleeting! I'm fine with the sleet itself, so what if I get soaked to the bone but at the same time I'm turning blue with cold, it's really the lakes that develop along the sides of each street. Lakes varying from 1 inch to 1 foot deep and because of all the icebergs floating on the surface you have no idea how deep they are until your leg is halfway submerged.

Needless to say the Odyssey back home, back to NEU, and then back home again was fairly taxing. On the journey I went through two coats, a pair of gloves, countless socks, two sweatshirts, and a pair of pants. Terrible right? Couldn't possibly get worse right?

Wrong!

Because that is only half of why days like yesterday are terrible. Days like yesterday include above freezing temperatures and rain which leads to the washing away of all the salt laid down throughout the course of the day. Then, as night arrives, the temperatures drop below freezing and because of the non-existent salt every surface freezes over. Including the sidewalk in front of my apartment.

Well as all of you know I supervise Broomball most nights during the week. This requires me to leave my apartment at about 9:30 PM.

Leave at precisely 9:30 PM I did just that, and about 9:31 PM I found myself lying flat on my back staring up at some guy with a case of beer in his hand saying "are you all right?"

Now this has happened only once before in my life (staring up from my back into someones face wondering how I got myself into such a predicament), and that is when I was 6. What happened? Let's just say there is a reason why at the YMCA pool (and most pools for that matter) they have signs that say RUNNING IS NOT PERMITTED.

Of course this time I got right up, made a few jokes with the guy about the ice and how maybe I should go get a case of beer and call in. Then I walked (carefully) down to Marino and made light of what happening, worked and then went home to sleep.

I'm starting to think that that last part was probably not a smart idea, because ever since the fall my head has been hurting quite a bit and I don't distinctly remember falling last night (just the lying on my back). Which would lead me to believe that I have a concussion, albeit probably a very minor one (still you shouldn't sleep after a concussion). If that was indeed a concussion like I think it was that would bring my total concussion total up to 5 (that being said only one two were severe in my opinion and two, including the one last night, are suspect).

In order they are:

- Pool incident (severe)
- Falling off of a 6 foot wall and slamming my head against the side walk and left me puking all night
- Being hit so hard into the boards in hockey that I blacked out for a few seconds (severe)
- Passing out while going pee in my upstairs bathroom, which resulted in me waking up with a pulsating skull from my head striking the toilet. The fainting occurred because I was immobile for about 2 hours or so watching Man on Fire (great movie) and then suddenly standing up and running up the stairs to go the bathroom.
- Finally last nights fall.

I'm a regular Eric Lindros aren't I?

That being said if I end up being a vegetable thanks to all my concussions New England weather can be partially to blame and can expect a phone call from my lawyer.

Music of the Day: Red, Yellow & Blue - Born Ruffians

First of all I want to address a common misconception about this series of posts, it does not mean Music of the Day in the literal sense, I will not be posting daily. It means it in a figurative sense, more like "Music of the Moment".

Now in my last music post I mentioned how Red, Yellow & Blue by Born Ruffians

It is safe to say that I am slightly obsessed with this album almost as obsessed as I was a year ago when I was introduced to Vampire Weekend. And in a way like Vampire Weekend I just like the feel of the album, from song to song I just like it, no real reason to describe it. It puts me in a good mood and makes me want to sing along and bop to the beat (sorry for the visualization there, if you need medical attention please stop reading and go get some).

Now days after I started listening I checked to see when when and if they are coming to Boston. Much to my dismay it said that they came to Boston on October 29th (the day before my birthday and the Of Montreal Show! Damn it all!) so it appears as if they won't be coming back any time soon. Sad.

But not as sad as I was when Katy listened to them and told me that the lead singer sounded like the lead singer of Saves The Day. At first I thought this was just a dig at me, but she is right, he does, and I really don't like Saves the Day. I couldn't justify the difference in why I like one over the other, I thought I had finally been proven to like emo music, and ironically I felt like an emo kid at that moment (all I wanted was to look like a sad kitten!) Then I remembered the Born Ruffians sing happy songs and not depressing, I want to kill myself music like, their much less talented colleagues Saves The Day.

Plus they are Canadian, and I like Canadians (not to be mistaken with Canadiens, who I despise). They like hockey and I like hockey. Which means they aren't from New Jersey (take that!).


Hat Tip: John Strubing

It's Easy (but probably not probable) Being Green: The Flash

And we are back with a new edition of (in my best Carl Kasell impersonation) "It's East (but probably not probable) Being Green!"

Again for all of you out there, I am not Kevin L Doyle the renowned Professor on Green Energy. I am just the guy you all mistakenly email.

After a brief hiatus do to the power change in our benevolent overlords we have returned. And returned with proof that Barack Obama or Rahm Emmanuel read my blog! Need proof? Here it is:



Case closed.

Welcome President Obama, we are glad to have you here. In your honor we are going to change this into a weekly briefing on how to make the US a greener place via slightly unorthodox means. It is up to you, sir, to make these ideas a reality.


Dear Mr. President

Sir, since it is well known that you hang out with Spiderman we were wondering if you could ask him to speak with The Flash (yes I am aware that Spiderman is Marvel and the Flash is DC but if anyone can bring the two groups together it is you sir) because we have a glorious idea for green energy that includes his super speed.

What we have envisioned sir is something that resembles a large hamster wheel attached to a giant turbine. And within that hamster wheel we place the Flash and he will, powered by his super strength and super speed, run straight ahead , spinning the wheel and generate electricity. Now of course we do not know how much electricty it will end up generating it may be just enough to power a light-bulb or it could be enough to light 1/3 of the country. We think it is worth the risk of the wheel breaking from its restraints and going crashing through the surrounding area potentially killing the Flash and the millions of people in an immediate 2,000 mile radius.

We believe Mr. President that if you can convince the Flash of this plan (as only you an, we tried with President Sarkozy of France but we neglected the detail that like any good American Superhero The Flash hates the French) that we may fix our energy problem.


Sincerely

The Underling, staff, and the American people.

Things I Find Odd: Clapping

I'm sorry but I can not help but give you new feature after new feature. So here is a new feature! These will vary in sizes, this one is particularly short.

Things I Find Odd!

Clapping

Why do we clap? Why don't we stamp more? why don't we all whistle? What made clapping, or applauding, the popular way of showing appreciation?

When ever I am in a big group or audience and clapping starts up I am left wondering what an alien race, had they been there, would think. Would they take it as a sign of appreciation like we do? Or would they think we are fucking nuts and abandon are planet?

I mean when I clap in front of the cat she bolts off (to be fair she runs away from me pretty much after I do anything but that's neither here nor there) why is it universally known that when we clap we are saying "Good job you!"? Why isn't the first thing we think of "I am going to be slapped!!!!"? Humans are weird.

Oh and even if many of you try to refute you since Mumkin is on my side then I have all the animals of the world on my side. Well maybe not Apes, depends on how far back clapping goes.

What I Am Reading: Fixing Failed States

I have since finished this book, check out the review here.

New book here people. Not particularly interested in it but it's for class so I will have to at least try to read it. It's about just what the title implies Fixing Failed States. I'm sure it will have a bunch of great points about how and why we should fix these countries and then at the end it will have a point about how this is at the moment impossible because of the political environment in the west.

Ok now I'm going to go read White Tiger.

From The Archive: The Gloucester Man and The Sea

I was going through old documents again the other day in a quest to organize them (that's not going to happen) and I cam across yet another poem. I'm starting to think I may need to switch professions. Well here it is, for what it's worth.

There lived a man in Gloucester
A happy man was he
Happy as a clam was the man
With a love for the sea

His love for the sea was so strong
He worked with all his strength
To make a house out of a boat
One wide and of great length

Then one day came a wicked storm
With high seas and heavy rain
The old man knelt and prayed
But all his prayers were in vain

After a night of heavy high seas
The old man washed ashore
Finding himself pleading to God
“No more kind sir, no more”

So with his sea days behind him
He moved to the mountain
Where atop the highest of peaks
He built a great cabin

There the old man lives his days
Minding his many trees
He stays far from the vast oceans
For God keeps him from the sea

Three Things I Learned Today

1. Paul McCartney needs to stop making music.

2. Bob Dylan needs to stop making music.

3. And Bruce Springsteen forgot how to write lyrics that make sense.